


God Only Knows

by Bootsncatz (bootsncatz)



Series: Wishin and Hopin [5]
Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: 60's AU, Angst, F/F, Major sexy times, Period-Typical Homophobia, Road Trips, Smut, Strap-Ons, You're Welcome, also, but I also went to the strap on place, but also I'm sorry, for real, just saying, major angst, there's angst, you can't stop their beat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-09 22:41:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 36,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18926425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bootsncatz/pseuds/Bootsncatz
Summary: Nicole and Waverly go on a road trip across the country to get Waverly to Grad School. Nicole thought the distance would be easy, but it ends up being harder than any of them thought.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all!
> 
> Welcome back to this crazy little 60's AU that no one asked for. I missed these two dummies big time. So much so that I had to torture them a little bit more. That being said, there is talk of depression and self harm in these chapters as well as some NSFW elements. 
> 
> Super special thanks to my friend and beta[Lucky](https://https://twitter.com/LuckyWantsTo) who put up with me asking her a thousand questions while I wrote it as well as editing this whole thing for me. She's the real MVP here.
> 
> Also, here is [the playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/1214138486/playlist/5KhitWET4l2N417v0KxnvS?si=FhgyG7jeStuyXHoq0aI3aA)that I put together with all the songs from the fic. 
> 
> Thank you and buckle up.

_Arizona, 1970_

“Hey, soldier. I like the way you’re moving that box,” Waverly quipped.

Nicole looked over her shoulder, fingers gripping the box she was carrying just that little bit tighter. Waverly was leaning against the rail of the porch, wiggling her eyebrows at Nicole. She smirked under her girlfriend’s gaze and and flexed a little for her benefit.

“Why’s that, baby?” she asked with a curious tilt of her head.

“Because it means I don’t have to move it,” Waverly said with a smile. “And you look damn good doing it.”

Nicole laughed and turned around to put the box into the back of the cream and turquoise VW Bus. Waverly had bought it out of the newspaper saying she got a great deal on it, but Nicole wasn’t so sure. When Waverly pulled up in it, Nicole was immediately worried. It sounded like it was rattling apart and when she drove it, it felt like it too. But she had to admit that Waverly looked cute as hell in it. Long brown hair blowing in the wind from the open window, round sunglasses over her eyes and a wide smile on her face…

She shook her head and finished sliding the box into place in the back of the car. She plucked the front of her tank top away from her body, hating the way her sweat made it cling to her like a second skin.

The Arizona summer heat was no joke. The dry air weighed down on Nicole and felt like it was choking her. She was grateful that driving Waverly to Massachusetts for school was also an excuse to experience some different weather for a little bit.

She was already stressing about missing work, but Nedley had basically pushed her into it.

“You earned the time off, Haught,” he said when she expressed her concerns. “If you don’t take the days they’ll just go to waste.”

So Nicole reluctantly agreed. She was excited to spend the time with Waverly. It hadn’t quite hit her yet...that Waverly would be gone for months at a time. Nicole wasn’t sure if she was mentally ready for that. So the less she thought about it...the better. In her opinion anyway.

“Hey soldier,” Waverly said softly, interrupting Nicole’s thoughts. She blinked and looked down to find Waverly was standing close, eyes filled with concern but not touching her. Not yet, until she knew if Nicole was okay with it. “I lost you there for a second.”

“Sorry,” Nicole said, wrapping her arms around Waverly’s waist. Waverly smiled up at her and snaked her arms around Nicole’s neck. “Just thinking.”

“About what?” Waverly asked, kissing Nicole’s chin.

Nicole’s hands smoothed down Waverly’s back, just feeling the soft material of her t-shirt under her fingers. Well. Nicole’s t-shirt. It was army green and well worn with “U.S. Army” and an eagle emblem across the front. It had been lying forgotten in Nicole’s old army duffle for a while until Waverly discovered it and made it her own. Admittedly it looked much better on her, especially tied up to expose a thin strip of her midriff above her skirt.

“Just...work,” Nicole said with a shrug.

“Stop thinking about work,” Waverly chastised lightly. “Nedley said you could have the time off. No need to worry.”

Nicole sighed. “I know but...you know me.”

“I do,” Waverly said, pecking her lips before pulling away. “Now. How much more do we need to pack?”

“Just your overnight bag, darlin’,” Nicole said, with a lopsided smile.

Waverly gasped in over-exaggerated shock. “We’re done early.”

Nicole hummed and nodded as Waverly hooked her finger into Nicole’s belt loop and tugged her a little closer. “We should do something fun with that time.”

Their hips collided and Waverly looked up at Nicole through her lashes, bottom lip pulled between her teeth. “We should.”

“Any ideas?”

“I have a few,” Waverly purred, one hand slipping up the front of Nicole’s shirt. Her fingers just barely brushed the scars on Nicole’s side, and she pressed herself closer to Waverly.

“Like what?” Nicole teased, eyebrow raised.

Waverly hummed like she was thinking, her pointer finger hooking into the front of Nicole’s pants and starting a fire deep in her belly. 

“Like...maybe you can remind me how strong you really are,” Waverly said, tipping her chin up and speaking so innocently that Nicole’s blood pounded with arousal.

“My pleasure, baby,” Nicole said. Without warning, Nicole bent down and scooped Waverly up so that her legs hooked around Nicole’s waist. She squeaked in shock, arms automatically looping around Nicole’s neck with the biggest smile on her face as she walked her up to the apartment.

***

Wynonna squinted at Nicole, who squinted right back at her. “You sure you’re good to drive, Haught?”

“Yes.”

“It’s like...almost three thousand miles. I made the lady at the library look it up for me,” Wynonna said.

“You stepped foot in a library?” Nicole teased. Wynonna rolled her eyes and flicked Nicole’s ear. “Ow!”

“Stop, you two,” Waverly said, giving Wynonna a warning look before turning Nicole’s chin so she could see her ear. She leaned up and kissed the reddening lobe lightly while Wynonna scoffed.

“Gross.”

“Anyways,” Waverly said pointedly, as Shapiro slid up behind Wynonna and put her arms around her neck. “We’ll be fine.”

Nicole glanced up at their apartment window, where CJ was sunbathing. “Just remember to feed CJ only half a can per meal. The vet says she’s overweight.”

“I’ll make sure that Wynonna doesn’t feed her any human food too,” Shapiro said. Wynonna elbowed her lightly, trying to hush her. Nicole gave her a look before opening up the van door.

“Okay, bye then-”

“What? No sappy goodbye, Haught?” Shapiro said, untangling herself from behind Wynonna and enveloping Nicole in a hug. She chuckled and hugged Shapiro back, giving her an extra squeeze for good measure.

“It’s only for a week, Shapiro,” Nicole pointed out, as she pulled away.

“Not for Waves,” Wynonna complained. “Three whole months.”

“You won’t even realize I’m gone,” Waverly said, as she fell into Wynonna’s arms. The two sisters talked animatedly about something, but Nicole’s attention was pulled away when Shapiro grabbed her arm and turned them around so that Nicole’s back was to the two of them. Her face was serious and she gripped Nicole’s wrist, turning it palm up so she could drop something heavy into it. Nicole looked down and gasped when she saw a tiny pistol. 

“Shapiro-”

“No arguing. Take it,” Shapiro said, closing Nicole’s hand around the gun. The metal was cold against her overheated palm. 

“Eliza,” Nicole said, voice low. “I don’t-”

“You don’t know if you’ll need it,” Eliza reasoned. Nicole could practically see the darting nervous energy in her eyes, and suddenly she understood.

“Have you carried one of these around since you got back?” Nicole asked, tone softer.

Shapiro straightened her back and shrugged, looking over Nicole’s shoulder for a moment before turning her eyes back to her. 

“You never know when you’ll need it.”

Nicole looked back down at the pistol. She tried not to keep her weapon around when she wasn’t on duty. She was allowed to take it home, but she opted to leave it in the locker at work instead. There were too many times she had looked at the weapon as a means to escape, more than a tool for her job. She didn’t want to keep the reminder around.

But she knew better than to try and refuse Shapiro.

“Okay,” Nicole said checking the safety on the weapon before slipping it into her pocket. She reminded herself to put it in the glove compartment later.

Shapiro breathed a sigh of relief and clapped Nicole on the shoulder. “Be safe.”

“Yeah, be safe, dingus,” Wynonna said, walking up and punching Nicole lightly in the shoulder.

“You be safe,” Nicole said, pushing Wynonna’s hand away. “And don’t be gross in our bed.”

Wynonna smirked. “You say that every time and yet…”

“Wynonna!” Waverly chastised, while Nicole gagged. 

“Payback for sexing up my sister, Haught.”

“Okay, we’re leaving,” Waverly said, starting around to the other side of the car. “We’ll call at the first stop.”

“Thank you!” Wynonna sang, as Nicole got into the car. Wynonna shut the heavy metal car door and tapped the open window frame. Nicole flipped Wynonna off while Waverly leaned across her lap and waved at the two of them.

“I love you!” she shouted.

“Love you too, baby girl,” Wynonna said, winking at Waverly. She looked back at Nicole. “You’re alright.”

Nicole started the car, engine kicking to life and making the whole car shake for a moment. She shifted into reverse and pulled out of the driveway, Wynonna flipping her off the whole time. Waverly pulled Nicole’s arm across her chest and sighed. 

“She’ll miss us,” she sing songed as they drove down the street and out of sight. 

***

_You broke my heart 'cause I couldn't dance. You didn't even want me around. And now I'm back to let you know I can really shake 'em down-_

Nicole tapped her fingers on the steering wheel to the beat of the song. Her arms felt hot, skin pink from the sun streaming in through the windshield. She pushed her sunglasses further up the bridge of her nose and dropped her hand to run fingers through Waverly’s hair. 

Waverly was laying on Nicole’s lap, insisting that being close to Nicole in some way was the only way she could sleep. She groaned and pressed her face more into Nicole’s belly. Nicole, eyes still on the road, traced the shell of Waverly’s ear. Her hair was warm from the sun, lightened from all the time they’d spent outdoors over the summer.

_Now do you love me? Do you love me now that I can dance? Watch me, now-_

Ducking her head to take a better look under the sun visor of the car, Nicole rubbed Waverly’s earlobe between her fingers.

“Baby,” she said gently, “we’re getting close to the Texas sign.”

Waverly blinked away some of her sleepiness and sat up, kissing Nicole on the chin on her way up. She gathered herself like an excited child, pulling her legs under her on the seat and reaching behind for her Polaroid camera. Nicole pulled over when the sign was in view, dust kicking up under the tires as she did.

_Do you love me? Do you love me, baby?_

The radio went silent when the engine turned off. As soon as the car was stopped, Waverly jumped out with her camera strap looped around her neck. Nicole smiled at Waverly in her short skirt and knitted crop top, beaded bandana keeping her long hair away from her face. She watched as she walked around to the front of the car and ducked for a moment. When she popped back up into Nicole’s view, her smile was brighter than the sun streaming in through the window, and she gestured for Nicole to get out of the car. 

Nicole slowly got out, stretching her knee so that it popped. She grimaced and stretched her back, arms over her head as she limped over to Waverly in front of the sign.

_‘Welcome to Texas!’_

Waverly’s brow crinkled in concern, fists on her hips. “You okay, soldier?”

“I’m fine,” Nicole said, carding her fingers through her red locks, already feeling overheated from the desert sun beating down on them. “Just need a little stretch.”

Nicole didn’t stop until her front was touching Waverly’s and she could see herself reflected in Waverly’s round sunglasses. She smiled down at her and pecked her lips.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Waverly put her hand flat on Nicole’s chest and stood up on her tiptoes to kiss her lightly. “Then take a picture with me.”

She put both of her hands on Nicole’s upper arms and positioned her in front of the sign before bouncing off to the camera she had managed to prop up on the car bumper. She set the timer and ran back to Nicole who already had an arm out ready for her to fill, which she did with practiced ease. 

With Waverly’s arms around her middle, Nicole smiled at the camera as it clicked and the film popped out of the front. 

“Wait, one more,” Waverly said, already going to take the first Polaroid from the camera and resetting the timer. She came back, tangled one hand in the hair at the base of Nicole’s neck and pulled her down for a deep kiss. Nicole’s hands found Waverly’s hips just as the Polaroid clicked, another exposure rolling out of the camera.

They kissed for a few more moments until a truck drove by, hand on his horn the entire time. Waverly pulled away with a smile and even if Nicole couldn’t see her eyes, she knew they were cresents behind the lenses.

“I love you,” Waverly said softly. 

“I love you too, baby,” Nicole said, returning the smile. She playfully slapped Waverly’s butt, earning a giggle as Waverly pressed up against her. “Let’s get back on the road. Huh?”

“I’ll go anywhere as long as you’re with me.”

***

“Wow,” Waverly breathed as they drove through the desert. Nicole took her eyes off the road to look around at the seemingly endless expanse of flat desert, cacti poking up from the dirt. 

“Mhm,” Nicole said. 

“What? Desert not impressive to you?” Waverly teased. 

Nicole shrugged. “Once you’ve driven through the desert once, you get over it pretty quickly.”

Waverly hummed. “Well _excuse_ me. I’m going to appreciate the beauty of it. Unlike some people. I think it’s real groovy.”

Nicole reached over and pushed some of Waverly’s hair behind her ear. “Yeah,” she mumbled. “I guess it’s pretty groovy.”

***

Nicole could hear Waverly fidgeting in the seat besides her, playing with the map, unfolding and refolding it until she finally cracked. 

“I’m so _bored_.”

Nicole held back a chuckle and pretended to be surprised. “You don’t say.”

A crumpled up Moon Pie wrapper hit Nicole in the side of the head. 

“Are you trying to make me crash?” Nicole complained. The vinyl of the seats squeaked as Waverly moved across the bench seat until she was pressed up against Nicole’s side. 

“The desert is boring,” Waverly said, as she rested her chin on Nicole’s shoulder. Her hand landed high on Nicole’s thigh, hot through the denim of her jeans. Nicole exercised a major amount of restraint in keeping her eyes on the road, as Waverly traced patterns on her thighs. 

“I told you,” Nicole said. “And that’s just most of Texas. A whole lotta nothin’.”

“Entertain me,” Waverly pouted. 

“Turn on the radio,” Nicole said as the heat crept up under her collar. She reached for the dial and turned the volume up. Waverly sighed dramatically and turned the tuning dial searching for a signal. 

“No radio!” Waverly groaned, clicking it off with a dramatic flourish. She returned to her place pressed up against Nicole. She used her finger to trace the line of Nicole’s nose. Her voice came in low and warm, trickling along Nicole’s skin. “Come on, Soldier.”

“Babe,” Nicole said, letting her hand rest on Waverly’s thigh, just along the edge of her short skirt. “We’re close to the motel and then I’ll entertain you all you want.”

Waverly’s hand covered Nicole’s and slowly inched it under her skirt. “Not...before?”

Nicole swallowed thickly as she felt the heat coming from between Waverly’s thighs. Her fingers just barely brushed the cotton of her underwear, and she let out a shaky breath. She squeezed Waverly’s thigh and moved her hand back down to the safer territory of Waverly’s knee. 

“You’re insatiable,” Nicole rumbled. “And I don’t want to die in Texas because I was fucking you while we drive.”

Waverly groaned again and rested her head against Nicole’s shoulder. “Can you at least drive a little faster?”

Nicole laughed and looped her arm around Waverly’s shoulder so she could snuggle into her more. “Whatever you want, baby,” Nicole said kissing the crown of her head. 

“Apparently not,” Waverly mumbled. 

Nicole squeezed her a little tighter. “Within reason.”

Waverly clicked the radio back on to more static but managed to hold out until they got to the hotel. 

***

“What the hell is this?”

Nicole chanced a look over to where Waverly was rooting through the glove compartment and saw her holding the tiny pistol Shapiro had shoved at her when they left. She smiled guiltily and looked back at the road.

“Um…”

“There better be a good explanation for this,” Waverly said, as she gingerly placed the gun back in the compartment and pulled out the map.

Nicole sighed. “Shapiro gave it to me.”

“And you took it?” Waverly asked, as she unfolded the large map. The edge of it almost threatened Nicole’s line of vision and she pushed it aside a little, bumping Waverly’s hand as she did.

“Trust me, she wasn’t taking ‘no’ for an answer,” Nicole said, shifting in her seat. “It’s been her...thing. Since we got back. She just feels safer with it.”

Waverly dropped the map to her lap for a moment and looked at Nicole thoughtfully. Nicole kept her eyes on the road but was acutely aware of Waverly’s eyes on her. She could practically hear the thoughts galloping through her mind at a breakneck speed. When Waverly reached out and pushed Nicole’s hair behind her ear, she only flinched a little. Waverly pinched her earlobe lovingly.

“I just worry, you know,” Waverly said softly. 

Nicole’s heart ached and she licked her lips, forcing what she hoped was a comforting smile but probably looked more like a grimace. “I know, babe.”

Waverly leaned over and kissed Nicole’s cheek before dropping back into her seat and opening the map back up. “I think we’re definitely going the right direction.”

Nicole just reached over and squeezed Waverly’s hand, playing with the ring on her finger as they drove into the setting sun.

***

Nicole felt ketchup drip down her chin, only to be confirmed when Waverly giggled in the seat across from her. She blushed and looked over her burger at Waverly as she chewed. Waverly was trying to hide her giggles behind her hand, fork loaded with a bite of the salad sitting forgotten in her bowl.

“What? I got something on my face?” Nicole teased, tongue coming out in a vain attempt at reaching the condiment.

Waverly plucked a napkin from the metal dispenser on the table and leaned forward. The rough napkin scratched against Nicole’s chin and she wrinkled her nose as Waverly wiped away all the offending food. Waverly leaned across the table and placed a quick kiss on Nicole’s nose before settling back in her chair.

Nicole blushed, unconsciously looking around the diner to make sure no one was paying attention to them. When her eyes caught Waverly’s across the table she couldn’t quite bring herself to care anymore.

“You know what this reminds me of?” Waverly said softly, the harsh overhead lights catching her eyes. 

“What?” Nicole asked as she looked around the diner. They had found the fluorescent sign beckoning them on the dark, two lane highway on their way out of Texas and into Oklahoma. 

_Sid’s Diner. Home of the Original Fried Onion Burger!_

“Our first date,” Waverly said, stealing a french fry from Nicole’s plate and smearing it through her pool of ketchup.

Nicole smiled widely and wiggled her eyebrows. “When I captured you with my irresistible charm?”

Waverly laughed and shook her head. “You had me charmed well before that, soldier.”

All it took was a wink to make Nicole’s ears tint, and she took another big bite from her burger to hide her blush. She nodded over to the jukebox in the corner and dug into her pocket for a nickel.

“Here,” Nicole said as she slid the coin across to Waverly. “Pick a good one.”

“Wow, one whole nickel,” Waverly teased as she slapped her hand over it and pulled it towards herself. 

“Don’t spend it all in one place,” Nicole winked, watching Waverly get out of the booth. Waverly added a little extra sway to her step as she walked and Nicole decided that the respectful thing was to admire it if she was putting that much effort into it. She made a show of bending over to put the nickel in the machine to choose the song before skipping back to the booth.

_I can't stop this feelin', deep inside of me. Girl, you just don't realize, what you do to me-_

“Good choice, baby,” Nicole said, as she finished up her burger. Waverly smiled back at her.

“Glad you think so.”

_Lips are sweet as candy, the taste stays on my mind. Girl, you keep me thirsty for another cup of wine-_

Waverly tilted her head and looked at Nicole who just blinked back at her. “What?”

“I was just thinking...how lucky I am to have you,” Waverly said, foot finding Nicole’s under the table. “And thank you for coming on this trip with me. It would have been lonely without you.”

Nicole ran her foot over Waverly’s ankle. “You really think I would have let you make this drive on your own?” she said as she tossed another french fry into her mouth. “Plus,” Nicole held her hand up so that her ring caught the light. “I want to marry you, Waverly Earp. I think you forget that.”

“How could I?” Waverly said. She reached for Nicole’s hand and brought it back down to the table. Her fingers traced over the simple silver band on Nicole’s finger.

_All the good love, when we're all alone. Keep it up, girl, yeah ya turn me on-_

In moments like this, Nicole always sat in awe of just how far they’d come. There’d been a point when Nicole thought Waverly was a distant dream. The girl she would think back about fondly with an ache in her chest as she wondered what she was doing now. Instead she was in front of her with a matching ring on her finger, and hers.

“I love you,” Nicole said simply.

Waverly smiled as she stole Nicole’s last fry. “I love you too.”

_I, I'm hooked on a feelin'. I'm high on believin', that you're in love with me-_

***

Nicole tried not the think about why the plastic receiver of the pay phone they had found at the rest stop on the way to Springfield was sticky. The cold concrete walls surrounding them felt constricting and she looked to Waverly for reassurance.

Waverly was leaning against the wall next to her and reached for Nicole’s hand as the phone rang. She pulled Nicole’s arm to her chest and kissed her shoulder just as two men walked in from the parking lot. Nicole bristled immediately in their presence and Waverly squeezed her hand again.

“Hello?” Wynonna’s sleepy voice came over the receiver, competing with the music floating in from the car in the parking lot.

_There's something happening here. What it is ain't exactly clear-_

“Hey, Wy. It’s Waves and Nicole,” she said, eyes darting over her shoulder to see the two men leaning against the wall and just staring at them. Nicole recognized an army tattoo on one of their arms and stood a little taller. The other had on a Missouri baseball cap and an ill fitting checkered shirt.

“Oh, hey, weirdos,” Wynonna said, voice gravely. “Why are you calling me so early?”

“It’s noon,” Waverly pointed out. She pressed her face close to Nicole’s and they angled the phone so they both could hear Wynonna. 

“Mm, I repeat my question,” Wynonna complained.

There's a man with a gun over there. Telling me I got to beware-

“The drive is great, thanks for asking,” Nicole said, ignoring her question. 

“We’re gonna stop at Cuyahoga Valley National Park,” Waverly said, bouncing excitedly. “They have beautiful waterfalls there.”

“You’re gonna make Haught walk all that shit?”

“I’ll be fine,” Nicole said. She heard one of the men make an indignant sound, and she looked sharply at them. The one with the tattoo twirled a toothpick sticking out of his mouth, and Nicole’s skin crawled. 

Nicole licked her lips and leaned a little closer to Waverly. “Let’s wrap it up, babe. We’ll call Wynonna at the next motel.”

The man with the hat scoffed in disgust. Nicole stood straight up and turned fully towards the men, stepping in front of Waverly.

“What do you want, freak?” the one with the tattoo sneered.

“Just a little privacy,” Nicole said as she crossed her arms in front of her chest. She felt a small tug on the back of her jacket.

“Babe, it’s fine,” Waverly whispered, trying to get Nicole’s attention. “Wynonna was going to tell me a story about CJ interrupting her and Shapiro. You love those stories.”

The tattooed man looked at Waverly, eyes lewdly going up and down her form. Nicole’s nails dug into her palms as her fists tightened. 

“Remind Wynonna about the ‘no sex in the bed’ rule.”

“I doubt she cares.”

“Can you hurry up and get outta here?” the man in the hat said. The tattooed man let out a long whistle. 

“Your friend can stay though,” he said, eyes still on Waverly. “Bet I could fuck the sass out of the hippie chick.”

_Young people speaking their minds. Getting so much resistance from behind-_

Nicole saw red and she stepped more fully in front of Waverly. “That’s no way to talk to a lady, now is it?”

“I don’t see no ladies here,” the man in the hat said with a sneer. “Just some dyke and a stuck up hippie bitch.”

“Wynonna, we’ll call you back in a few hours. Okay?” Waverly said quickly behind her. She heard the phone click back onto the hook just as the tattooed man took a step closer to Nicole. 

“How would your mamma feel if she knew you were talking to a woman like that?” Nicole gritted out, heart thumping in her chest. “Apologize to her.”

Both men practically howled with laughter. The tattooed man sobered and strode towards Nicole, just stopping short of their boots touching. “How would your mamma feel about you wantin’ to be a man and impersonating a soldier.”

He nodded his head towards Nicole’s army jacket with a leer. Nicole opened her mouth to speak but Waverly spoke up from behind her.

“For your information, she _did_ serve,” she said haughtily. 

The men just howled again, and Nicole clenched her jaw painfully. Her legs were telling her to move. To just go back to the car, but she was too deep in it now. Her pride wouldn’t let her walk away.

Suddenly the man with the tattoo shoved her shoulder and she stumbled back a little.

“You’re a disgrace to the uniform,” he said, grabbing for her collar. Nicole hit his hand away and he grabbed for her wrist. Her other arm swung up to punch him across the jaw and he grunted, grip loosening on her wrist. 

_Paranoia strikes deep. Into your life it will creep-_

Nicole pulled away and wound up to swing at him again, but the other man clocked her in the jaw. She stumbled back, blinded by pain for a moment before swinging again. The man in the hat grabbed the collar of her shirt and pulled his fist back, stopping only when a metallic click sounded behind them.

His eyes darted over Nicole’s shoulder, and she looked to the side to see the tiny pistol from the glove compartment pointed at the two men.

“Let her go,” Waverly said evenly.

Nicole pushed the man away and they both took steps away from her. 

“No need to get aggressive, you crazy bitch,” the tattooed man said. “We were just havin’ a little fun.”

Waverly pointedly took Nicole’s hand in her own and they started to back away and towards their van. Nicole’s heart was still pounding when they got into the van and started it, her eyes on the two men as she put the car into reverse.

_We better stop, hey, what's that sound. Everybody look what's going down._

As they drove away from the rest stop, the silence settled over them and she heard the clattering of Waverly throwing the gun back in the glove compartment. 

“Pull over.”

“Waverly-”

“Pull. Over.”

Nicole swallowed thickly and did as Waverly told her, pulling the van over to the side and shutting it off. Waverly scooted closer to Nicole, sitting sideways in the seat so that she was facing her. Nicole looked down at her lap and Waverly cupped her cheek, bringing her face up to look at her. Waverly fixed her with a serious look as her thumb brushed over the faint bruise on Nicole’s jaw.

“I love you,” Waverly said firmly, pulling Nicole’s hand into her lap and massaging her palm. Nicole let out a small sigh at the feeling. “I love everything about you. One of those things being that you’re so...unapologetic about who you are.”

Nicole couldn’t help but blush and brace herself for the ‘but’.

“But-”

There it was.

“-I worry about you.”

“I’m a cop, Waverly,” Nicole pointed out. “My job is literally to throw myself into danger-”

“It’s not,” Waverly interrupted. “Your job is to protect others and protect _yourself_. You can’t run straight into danger under the guise of keeping justice. You didn’t have to engage those guys.”

“They were being assholes!” Nicole defended, turning more in her seat so she could face Waverly. “They were staring at you and being pigs!”

“The world is full of assholes, Nicole,” Waverly said, tightening her hold on Nicole’s hand. “And they can peg you a mile away for who you are. You know that, I know that...and I know you’ll never be completely safe because of it-”

“Waves-”

“No, let me finish,” Waverly said. “I would never even dream of asking you to change who you are or how you present yourself. And I know you can take care of yourself when people give you a hard time about it.” Nicole felt her stomach turning with nerves and Waverly’s hand in her own only did so much to quell it. “But I just want to make sure...you’re not putting yourself into dangerous situations...on purpose.”

Nicole scoffed and looked away, pulling back from Waverly’s touch.

“I’m serious,” Waverly said. Her serious face was broken only briefly with a twitch of a smile and she continued. “I grew up with Wynonna. I know how to tell when someone’s hurting and is purposely putting themself at risk. Like they’re just waiting for the world to...finish it off for them.”

Nicole looked down at her hands again, heart hurting. Before she left, before her body had been blown to pieces, Nicole had been comfortably cautious. But since she had gotten back, she didn’t spend a lot of time considering consequences to her actions. It was like she relished each bruise, each cut, each twinge of pain she would carry home with her every day. She licked her lips and chanced a look up at Waverly. Hazel, understanding eyes looked back at her and she felt her throat close.

“I guess-” she swallowed thickly, words finding a hard time getting out of her throat. “I don’t...it’s not on purpose...I just-”

Everything just hurt so much...a deep ache that was always present in her chest. Sometimes she didn’t even notice it, but when she did it felt like a chasm breaking open her sternum. Sometimes it was easier to just...live dangerously. To let the world be the one to take her out so she didn’t have to do it herself. 

The corners of her eyes stung with unshed tears and she quickly wiped them away. “I’m sorry.”

“Baby, no,” Waverly said, gathering Nicole in her arms and pressing her head to her chest. “You don’t have to be sorry. I just want you to know that...you don’t have to-...what can I do to help you not feel that way?”

“Nothing you’re not already doing,” Nicole mumbled out. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing,” Waverly whispered, pressing a soft kiss to the top of Nicole’s head. “I love you. I just don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“I know, baby,” Nicole said, taking a deep breath to get a lungful of Waverly’s scent. “I’ll...try…”

“That’s all I ask,” Waverly said. “Now. Want me to drive?”

“Just for a little bit,” Nicole said, pulling away and kissing her lightly. She smirked and said softly. “I’m trying to not live dangerously. Remember?”

Waverly snickered and pinched Nicole’s hip. “Ha. Ha. Come on, soldier. Let me drive.”

***

The smoke rising from the back hatch of the car was so thick that Nicole couldn’t see the road anymore. She felt the engine struggling and quickly checked her rear view mirrors before pulling off to the side of the two lane road. 

“Goddammit,” she cursed under her breath.

“What’s wrong?” Waverly said as she turned completely in her seat to watch as the smoke billowed up from the engine.

“Overheated probably,” Nicole said, as she got out of the car. She went around the back, grimacing at the sight. Heat radiated off of the hatch. “Fuck.”

She quickly ripped her shirt over her head, bundled it up and used it to open the hatch so that the smoke could billow out freely.

“Are we stripping on the side of the road now?” Waverly said, as she got out of the van. Nicole used her shirt to wave away some of the smoke as she looked back at Waverly who was standing there with her sunglasses on looking at the engine. “Is it okay?”

“It’ll be fine. Just needs to cool down,” Nicole said as she carded her fingers through her hair. “I can’t get a good look at it to make sure nothing else is wrong until then anyways.”

Waverly smirked. “Looks like the engine isn’t the only thing that needs cooling off.”

Nicole laughed and adjusted her sunglasses on her face. She unrolled her crumpled up and hot tshirt and shook it out. Gesturing to Waverly’s knit top that only covered her breasts like a bathing suit. Nicole shrugged. “Now we match.”

“So we just...wait for it to cool down?” Waverly asked with a frown. “Seems annoying.”

“It is,” Nicole said, hands on her hips as she looked at the smoke still rising from the engine. “Hopefully it’s just a disconnected hose or something.”

“Oo, talk dirty to me, baby,” Waverly teased as she slid her arms around Nicole’s waist. Nicole couldn’t help but feel suffocated as Waverly’s body heat ramped up her own by one hundred percent. 

“Baby, it’s too hot,” Nicole softened her words with a soft peck on Waverly’s lips. She gently pulled Waverly’s arms from around her, finding a momentary relief from the hot, humid air weighing on her. 

Waverly huffed. “Fine. I’ll have to entertain myself.”

She went into the back of the car and dug around for a moment before pulling out her Polaroid with a smile. “Sit here,” she said, gesturing to where the van door was slid open. 

“Waverly-“

“You’re right. Just stand here,” Waverly said, taking Nicole’s arm and pulling her into place besides the van. “Lean against it and I’ll take your picture.”

“Don’t you have enough pictures of me?” Nicole grumbled good naturedly, as she did what Waverly asked. 

“Never,” Waverly said, snapping a quick photo. “Trust me, you’ll be happy I made you take shirtless pictures when we’re both sixty.”

Nicole smirked. “I’m sure you’ll be just as hot as you are now.”

Waverly bounced over to Nicole and kissed her lightly. “Even if I’m not, you better tell me I am.”

“To me, you’ll always be the most beautiful girl in the world.”

“Charmer,” Waverly snapped another quick picture that was too close and bound to be blurry. But Nicole had no doubt she’d love it anyways. 

***

“Is your knee okay?” Waverly asked again.

Nicole felt a spike of irritation lodge into her brain and she gave Waverly a look. Waverly just stared back at her, eyebrows raised, before Nicole gave up and let out a sigh.

“It’s fine,” Nicole said as she continued up the stony path of the mountain trail. Her knee ached a little, but it definitely wasn’t something she wasn’t used to. She would just have to take some more painkillers before she went to sleep that night. No big deal. “I promise. This is nothing. You remember I’m a cop, right?”

Waverly’s face softened and she reached out for Nicole’s hand. She tugged Nicole close, hands finding the hem of Nicole’s shirt and smoothing up the skin of her back, sticky with sweat and humidity. Her eyes grew dark, and Nicole wrapped her arms around Waverly’s shoulders. 

“How could I forget?” Waverly said, as she squeezed Nicole’s shoulder blades. “My big strong soldier.”

Nicole made a show of stretching her shoulders and flexing under Waverly’s hands. Waverly laughed and kissed the base of Nicole’s throat. Their fingers laced together and Waverly pushed herself off of Nicole before tugging her further down the path. Nicole followed happily along.

They got to a point of the path where sheets of rock towered on either side. The dark grey surface was barely visible under a thin blanket of that green moss that Nicole couldn’t help but reach out and touch. 

“Wow,” Waverly breathed. Nicole looked over at her just to see the wonderment in her eyes. It was the best part of traveling with Waverly, her sheer awe of the world around her. Everything was a wonder to her and it was one of the most beautiful things about her. 

Nicole looked at her hand, flat on the stone and marveled at the contrast of it. The way her pale hand stood out amongst the green. She curled her fingers to lightly scratch at the surface, the moss unyielding under her nails as it clung stubbornly to its home. She felt Waverly place a soft kiss on her shoulder and looked over at her.

Waverly’s mouth was pressed against Nicole’s shoulder, eyes looking up at her through her lashes and Nicole could swear she was looking at her the same way she had looked at the stones.

“Let’s get going, soldier,” Waverly whispered, fingers plucking at the thin fabric of Nicole’s well worn army t-shirt.

She pulled Nicole along again and they continued up the path; the gentle roar of a distant waterfall could be felt in Nicole’s chest before she heard it. The closer they got, the more moisture seemed to appear in the air. A light mist floated through the air and cooled down their overheated skin.

Waverly dropped Nicole’s hand to bend down and point at a leaf in the shape of a heart. Though admittedly, Nicole was far less intrigued by the leaf and way more interested in how Waverly’s shirt had ridden up, the two dimples on Waverly’s lower back in full display and how her spine curved up her back. All muscle and tan skin, slightly shiny from the sweat there.

“Like something you see?”

Nicole blushed and her eyes moved from Waverly’s back to where she was looking over her shoulder at Nicole, mirth in her eyes. Throwing a wink at Waverly, Nicole tipped her head to the side. 

“Come on, we’re close,” Nicole said, giving Waverly’s butt a playful tap.

She started back down the path, Waverly catching up with her easily. It was only after a few more minutes that the waterfall came into view. She heard Waverly gasp, and laced their fingers together again as the path got more slippery. Nicole stood at the edge of the water, Waverly at her side, as the roar deafened her. It reminded her of being close to the helicopters when she was in Vietnam. Of how all you could hear was the way they sliced through the air and made you feel like you may never hear again. But this was...far more peaceful. 

The mist from the waterfall floated off the water towards them and Nicole took a deep breath. The air smelled like wet vegetation, wet dirt...it smelled fresh.

“It’s beautiful,” Waverly whispered as they looked up at the tall waterfall and the way the water tripped over the rocks as it tumbled down the side of the cliff. Nicole was surprised to find that they had the place to themselves, no other tourists in sight.

Waverly dropped her hand and pulled her top over her head to reveal a green and white knit bikini top, little blue flowers in the white squares. Nicole couldn’t help but watch as she popped the button of her jean shorts and slid them down her deceptively long legs to reveal matching knit bikini bottoms.

“Let’s go in,” Waverly said with a wiggle of her eyebrows.

“We’re...going in?” Nicole said, looking back at the water.

“I didn’t tell you to wear a bathing suit under your clothes for fun, babe,” Waverly teased as she pulled on the button of Nicole’s shorts. Shorts that took her ten minutes to put on just because all she could see when she looked down were the scars that marred her leg. Nicole chuckled and pulled her t-shirt over her head. Her royal blue swimsuit was stark against her pale skin, raised scars crawling up her side and all over her thighs. She felt Waverly’s fingers ghost over the worst scar at the base of her spine, an act that used to make her flinch but now just warmed her skin.

Shoes off, Nicole tentatively dipped her foot into the water. She shivered just as Waverly walked right into the water up to her waist. Nicole gawked at her, as Waverly turned around and reached her hand out.

“It’s cold,” Nicole said, pushing her sunglasses up the bridge of her nose.

“It’ll be worth it,” Waverly said. “I promise.” She tilted her head to the side, smile wrinkling her eyes to half-moons. “Please? For me?”

Waverly knew damn well that Nicole could never say no to her. Especially when she smiled at her like that.

Nicole took Waverly’s hand and walked into the water. She kept walking backwards into the water and Nicole was helpless to follow until the water covered their chests.

“Come on,” Waverly said, as she began to wade towards the waterfall. “I want to be able to say I kissed you under a waterfall.”

Nicole laughed and shivered again as her body got used to the temperature of the water. The waterfall got louder as they got closer, so loud that Nicole wasn’t even sure if she could hear Waverly if she said something to her. They got to the edge of the waterfall and paused, both looking up at it. From the bottom they couldn’t even see the top, the falls slapping the surface of the water as it went. 

Waverly faced Nicole and wrapped her arms around her neck. Her kiss was soft, a sharp contrast to how the water pounded into them from above as they passed under the waterfall. When they were on the other side of it, the world felt still again. Nicole could even hear the soft sound of their lips parting. It was like the steady drum of the waterfall was on the outside, just barely penetrating their fortress behind it. 

The water cast a greenish blue glow over Waverly’s face, the light reflecting off of the water and creating spots of light on her skin. Nicole wished she’d been able to bring the camera with them, but knew she’d never forget this moment anyway.

Waverly’s fingers were playing with the short hairs at the base of Nicole’s neck and with their warm bodies pressed together, she wasn’t cold anymore. Nicole’s fingers toyed with the thick material of Waverly’s bikini bottoms as she drew her down for another kiss. What Nicole wasn’t expecting was for Waverly to wrap her arms around Nicole’s neck and pull her down into the water.

Nicole sputtered when she came back up, and Waverly’s laughter echoed on the walls of rock behind them. A curtain of red hair was plastered to Nicole’s face and she could just barely see Waverly through it.

“That was rude,” Nicole said, pretending to be offended as Waverly pushed her hair back from her face.

“Whatever can I do to make it up to you?” Waverly said lowly. Nicole smirked before kissing Waverly again, slowly walking forward until her back was pressed up against the wet rock face. Waverly shivered as her legs tightened around Nicole’s waist. 

“I can think of a couple things,” Nicole said, one hand already coming up to cup Waverly’s breast over her swim top. The fabric felt heavy with water and a little scratchy under her hand. Nicole silently wondered why anyone thought to make a bathing suit out of knit fabric, but the feeling of Waverly rutting against her groin chased those thoughts away.

“We have to be quick,” Waverly said, eyes darting over Nicole’s shoulder. Nicole looked too, the shapes on the other side of the waterfall just barely visibly, but clear that no one else was with them. 

Nicole’s one hand slipped between them to cup Waverly roughly, making her groan. “I can be fast.”

“Good thing just one look at you in that swimsuit and I was already wet,” Waverly said as she slipped her own hand under Nicole’s swim top. Nicole sighed as Waverly’s fingers pinched her nipple and she wasted no time pushing the crotch of her swimsuit to the side. Waverly kissed her again as Nicole started to rub tight circles around her clit. 

She could feel Waverly mold against her, the only sound Waverly’s breathy sighs, the wet sound of their lips moving together and the gentle lap of water against their bodies from the movement of Nicole’s hand underneath. The sighs turned to pants as Nicole’s fingers sped up. Waverly’s kisses got sloppier, more unfocused, and Nicole could feel her stomach muscles twitching against her forearm from where it was pressed between them.

It only took a few more moments before Waverly let out a loud moan that rivaled the sound of the water crashing around them. Her legs constricted around Nicole’s waist and she tipped her head back as her grip on Nicole’s shoulders tightened. Nicole’s lips found her neck and nipped at the base of Waverly’s throat as her legs loosened around Nicole’s waist.

“You’re so beautiful, baby,” Nicole whispered against the skin of Waverly’s neck, gently putting Waverly’s bathing suit back in place.

Waverly just hummed, eyelids heavy and pupils blown as she looked at Nicole. “If you take me back to the camper, I’ll show you something real groovy.”

“Is it how great you look out of your swimsuit? Because I will carry you all the way back to the car for that,” Nicole said as she wiggled her eyebrows at Waverly. 

Waverly laughed and kissed Nicole hard on the lips. She slipped her hand out of Nicole’s swimsuit and pulled on her bottom lip teasingly. “Let’s go, baby.”

“I thought you wanted to appreciate nature,” Nicole teased.

“I think we’ve appreciated it quite enough,” Waverly said, pinching Nicole’s hip. “Now take me back to the car where I can ravish you.”

***

The blanket wasn’t quite big enough so Nicole’s feet poked out of the bottom. It was a relief anyway, as she usually stuck her feet outside of the blankets to sleep no matter the weather. They were spread out in the back of the bus, the couple of boxes with Waverly’s belongings pressed up against the side of the car. Waverly’s warm, sated body lay atop her own, head on her chest and honey colored hair tickling her nose. Nicole’s fingers lightly brushed up and down Waverly’s spine under the blanket as she stretched.

“Wow,” Nicole said, as her focus shifted to the open sunroof above them, the stars staring back at them. Waverly slid off Nicole’s body and shifted to her back, head still in the crook of Nicole’s arm as she looked out the window.

“It’s kind of amazing, isn’t it?” Waverly whispered, voice deep and raw from overuse.

Nicole turned her head and pressed her face against the crown of Waverly’s head. She took a deep breath. Sandalwood and fresh leaves. “Anywhere with you is amazing.”

“You’re a sappy romantic,” Waverly teased, turning to wrap their bodies together. Her finger tapped the end of Nicole’s nose, and she pretended to bite it.

“Don’t tell Wynonna,” Nicole said. Waverly laughed and kissed Nicole’s cheek. 

She reached for another blanket and Nicole groaned. “It’s too hot.”

“Don’t be a baby, it’s just for me,” Waverly said, as she awkwardly used one hand to spread the blanket over herself. Nicole stretched her legs, recoiling when she felt something cold and wet touch the bottom of her foot. She sat up a little and noticed it was Waverly’s still wet swim top on the floor of the van. Nicole used her toe to kick it further away and squeezed Waverly a little bit.

“I don’t think that suit is meant for the actual water, Waves,” Nicole said, a yawn escaping from her chest.

“Well it was mostly for you anyways,” Waverly admitted. “Did it work?”

“Baby, you know it always does.”

***

Nicole stripped her pants and shirt off before falling onto the motel bed. The springs creaked under her as she adjusted herself spread eagle on the bed. 

They had decided to stop at a motel for the night to sleep in a bed and take a shower. It only slightly creeped Nicole out, so that was a win. She heard the water running in the bathroom and stretched her limbs. Sitting folded up in a car was uncomfortable, and after a few days it was really getting to her. 

The bathroom door opened and Waverly wandered out in a towel, ready to jump in the shower. 

“I thought we were showering,” she gestured with her towel. 

“Just give me a minute,” Nicole said, as she suppressed a yawn. Waverly placed her hand on Nicole’s ankle but something on the bedside table caught her eye. 

“What’s that?” Waverly pointed to a small grey box on the nightstand that had a coin slot on the front. 

Nicole leaned over and smirked as she read the name,“Magic Fingers.” She lay back down and wiggled her eyebrows at Waverly. “Don’t think you need a machine for that, baby.”

Waverly smirked back, but bent down and picked up Nicole’s pants, rooting through the pockets until she pulled out a quarter triumphantly. She placed it in the box and there was a small mechanical click before a motor started and the bed started vibrating. Nicole’s eyes got wide and she gripped the comforter. 

“What the fuck.”

Waverly threw herself on the bed next to Nicole with a giggle. “This is weird.”

“So weird.”

“But kinda fun.”

“How is this a massage?” Nicole frowned. “How long does this last?”

Waverly leaned closer to the box. “Fifteen minutes. Let’s just…enjoy...this and then get in the shower?”

“I feel like my brain is rattling in my head,” Nicole complained. 

“You’re such a baby sometimes,” Waverly said, leaning over Nicole’s prone form and tapping the end of her nose with her finger before kissing her lightly. Nicole hummed and tugged at the loose towel around Waverly’s body so that it fell away. She couldn’t help but notice how the vibrations of the bed made Waverly’s breasts jiggle enticingly, and she bit her lip before looking back at hazel eyes. 

Waverly looked at her with a raised eyebrow, amused smile on her face. Her finger trailed from Nicole’s nose, down her lips and over her chin, hand flattening to smooth over her chest and down her stomach. Waverly’s fingers deftly found their way under the waistband of Nicole’s boxers before she leaned down and kissed Nicole again. 

“How long does this thing last?” Nicole whispered again, as their lips trailed together. 

“Mm fifteen minutes,” Waverly said, between soft kisses. “I think I can find a way to kill time.”

***

Cambridge was very different from Arizona.

Every building was made of bricks, deep red and filled with history. The cobblestone streets dispersed through the city felt like stepping back in time, and around each corner Nicole swore she’d see a ghost.

Waverly was enamored.

Ever since they pulled into the city she had been rattling off facts about Cambridge and Harvard that Nicole knew she’d only remember half of. But it was just proof to her that Waverly was exactly where she belonged. Somewhere she could exercise her mind and just get smarter and smarter each day. Somewhere to challenge her.

Nicole was standing outside of a little coffee shop, round sunglasses over her eyes and watching other people their age wander about. Waverly would definitely have no problem fitting in here. Most of them were barefoot and all of them, men and women alike, seemed to have a dislike of tops. 

She felt a little out of place in her well fit jeans and crisp U.S. Army shirt with the sleeves rolled up to her shoulders. But no one seemed to notice her and she was happy to fade into the background while Waverly was inside using the restroom.

On the corner was a man with a long beard, flowers woven into his hair matching the brightly colored bandana around his head. He had on a bright flowing top and broken down jeans and a drum between his knees. His eyes were closed, head tipped back towards the sun as he drummed some erratic beat, and a girl twirled in front of him with a handful of long stemmed wild flowers in her hand.

Her long blonde hair hung down past her waist, skirt rising up as she twirled and the open leather vest she had on as a shirt doing nothing to hide how her breasts swayed with each movement. Nicole blushed as the girl made eye contact with her and she took a quick sip of her drink. The girl danced up to her, wide smile on her face as she got close. Nicole stood stock still, unsure of what to do. The girl winked at her and took one of the wild flowers, tucking it behind Nicole’s ear.

“Make love, not war,” the girl said almost dreamily as she threw a peace sign at Nicole and floated back to the corner.

There was a click and a mechanical buzz and Nicole turned to see Waverly standing near the door of the coffee shop with a wide grin on her face, Polaroid camera in her hand as a piece of film spit out the front of it.

Nicole blushed even deeper and cleared her throat as Waverly tucked the picture in her messenger bag to develop.

“I see you’re enjoying the sights,” Waverly wiggled her eyebrows, and Nicole tried to smile through the embarrassment.

“I um...I mean...it was kinda hard _not_ to look,” she said rubbing the back of her neck.

Waverly just smiled wider and tapped the end of Nicole’s nose with her finger. “Did you know that Edwin Land invented self developing film here in 1940?” Waverly said as she waved her camera at Nicole before handing it back to her. “How groovy is that?”

“Very groovy,” Nicole said, throwing her arm over Waverly’s shoulders and Waverly’s around her waist. She nodded at the blonde woman as they passed and started towards the school campus. “Tell me more.”

***

“There’s supposed to be a bulletin board in here with roommate- aha!”

Waverly pulled Nicole down a hallway of one of the main campus buildings as soon as she saw the board at the end of the hall. Various papers were stuck in it with tacks in varying colors and sizes. Waverly stopped in front of it with a hopeful smile.

“Alright. Now just to find a couple that don’t sound...crazy,” Waverly’s smile only faltered a little bit.

“Baby, are you _sure_ we can’t afford for you to get an apartment on your own?” Nicole asked as she looked up at the board. She chuckled to herself. “Now that you’re not going to be around to distract me it means I can work more shifts.”

Waverly snorted and bumped her hip into Nicole’s. “As if you think Wynonna isn’t going to distract you too. And no, I want to use the scholarship to cover most of my costs for this and the allowance I have for rent is...limited.”

Nicole pouted her disapproval, but grunted in surrender as she turned back to the board.

“Just...what if you end up with a weird roommate?” Nicole ventured again.

“Would I count as a weird roommate?” came a voice Nicole hadn’t heard in what felt like forever.

Nicole turned just as Waverly squealed and ran over to the owner of the voice, practically tackling her with a hug. It only took a moment for Nicole to realize her mind wasn’t playing tricks on her.

“Rosie!” Waverly said as she squeezed the other woman. Rosita just laughed and returned the hug just as vigorously. Nicole just stood there awkwardly, hands in her pockets as she tried not to stare at them. She felt like she was intruding on a private moment between two people that were much better friends than Nicole was. Though, she figured sleeping with someone would do that.

Waverly and Rosita finally parted and Nicole waved, hand near her hip as she gave her a crooked smile. “Hey, Rosita.”

Rosita smiled even wider and opened her arms to hug Nicole. Before Nicole could even respond, Rosita was pulling her against her body and squeezing her tight. Nicole’s hands were a little trapped by her sides so she patted her back as best she could. 

“I missed you two,” Rosita sighed as she released Nicole and stepped back. “This whole year in Boston by myself has been a real drag.”

“I’m sure you’ve made friends,” Waverly said, pinching Rosita’s arm teasingly.

“I have, but still not the same,” Rosita said. “Boston is so _cold_. I don’t know why I wasn’t expecting it to be cold here but it is. Hope you brought a heavy coat, Waves.”

Nicole snickered at the shocked look on Waverly’s face as she mentally went through everything she brought. “Shit.”

“Are you looking for a roommate?” Rosita asked as she pointed at the board. “Because I happen to be...looking for a roommate.”

Waverly bounced in excitement. “Really?”

“Yeah! Really close by, a cute little coffee shop underneath and not the most shady neighborhood,” Rosita said, counting off the points on her fingers. “Totally safe. Even copper here will approve.”

Rosita winked at Nicole and she blushed.

“How much?” Waverly implied.

“Whatever you can afford,” Rosita said, waving at Waverly. “Because my last roommate was horrible and I will pay anything for an improvement. Ask Haught here, we roomed together. I’m a great roommate.”

Nicole could only nod. Most of the time as Rosita’s roommate was shadowed by the fact that Rosita was jealous of her and Waverly getting closer. And when she and Waverly finally got together…Rosita was never rude, and to be honest, Nicole completely understood where she had come from at the time. But it didn’t make tensions any less high when they were living together. 

Waverly looked back at Nicole with a nervous smile and she just shrugged. “She’s a great roommate.”

Waverly turned back to Rosita. “Okay, done!”

They squealed and jumped again and Nicole just chuckled. Waverly sobered again, clutching onto Rosita’s forearms as she looked at her seriously.

“Now...can you point us in the direction of a good shop to get some warmer clothes in?”

Rosita laughed, head tipped back as she slung her arm over Waverly’s shoulders. “I knew your love of exposed midriffs would do you in some day.” Nicole didn’t miss how Rosita’s eyes darted over Waverly’s frame. “I’ll do you one better, I’ll take you to the best thrift shop in the area.”

“Perfect,” Waverly said as she reached for Nicole’s hand. 

They walked to the thrift store, Waverly swinging Nicole’s hand the whole time. Nicole spent the first ten minutes looking around to see if anyone was looking at them funny, but no one even seemed to notice them. Rosita and Waverly talked the whole time, catching up and talking about things like libraries and laboratories. Nicole felt a twinge of jealousy and the nagging voice in the back of her head made her wonder if Rostita was better suited for Waverly.

After all, they were both whip smart and had the same ambitions. Nicole was just a small town cop giving stern talking-tos to kids who got bored and were setting things on fire in the desert. Rosita and Waverly had worked...sexually. At one point anyways. Nicole had walked in on them one time too many to know that was true. 

Waverly pulled Nicole into a store and she forced herself out of her thoughts as she took it in. Racks upon racks stuffed with clothes, some especially flamboyant pieces on the walls like they were on display. 

“Off season stuff is back here,” Rosita shouted at them as she weaved expertly thought the racks. Nicole followed close behind Waverly, bumping into her when she stopped unexpectedly. 

“Hey,” Waverly said, turning so their bodies were pressed together. “You okay?”

Nicole blinked. “Oh, yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’ve been quiet,” Waverly said, hazel eyes a little darker with concern. Nicole licked her lips and shoved her free hand in the pocket of her jeans. 

“I’m fine, I promise,” Nicole said. “I’m glad you have a good roommate. Even if she’s your ex.”

Waverly squinted up at her. “You know if you don’t want me to-”

“No no,” Nicole insisted. “It’s not like that. I promise. Okay? I’m just-...there’s a lot going on right now. I’m taking it in.”

Waverly looked at Nicole for another moment but hummed and lifted herself on her tiptoes to kiss her lightly. “Okay.”

“Hey, Waves, look at this!” Rosita held up a coat that looked like it was three wolves sewn together.

“That looks like something a psychopath would wear,” Waverly laughed and started towards the rack Rosita was behind. Nicole started to look through a nearby rack, letting Waverly look through on her own. Waverly called for her. “What about this?”

Nicole looked over to see Waverly almost completely hidden behind a large white fluffy coat. She smiled just imagining Waverly running around the Harvard campus with a big white fluffy coat, short skirt under it.

“I think it’s adorable,” Nicole chuckled. Waverly hugged it to her chest and kissed Nicole’s cheek.

“I’m going to go pay for it,” Waverly said as she headed towards the register. She watched Waverly go to the front and felt Rosita’s presence besides her. 

“So uh...Haught,” Rosita said with a smile. “How have you been?”

Nicole rubbed the back of her neck. “Good. You? School...good?”

“Yeah. How’s the cop thing going?” 

“You know...cop...like,” Nicole shoved both of her hands in her pockets and looked back at Waverly who was giving the checkout guy her brightest smile.

“Hey, you know nothing’s gonna happen with me and Waves, right?” Rosita asked with a suspicious squint, mirth in her eyes. “Like I’m over it and she’s obviously been over it.”

“Yeah yeah,” Nicole played it off. “Yeah, no. I’m totally groovy with it. I know you two were friends more than...anything.”

“I’m sorry I was kind of an ass back then,” Rosita said, nose scrunching up her nose.

“It’s okay, I kinda was too,” Nicole confessed. “You know...girls. They make you do dumb things sometimes.” She winked and Rosita laughed.

“Especially the pretty ones,” Rosita said knowingly. 

“Oh especially the pretty ones. The things I’ve done for a pretty girl.”

“Oh yeah, like what?” Waverly smirked as she came up behind Nicole. She smirked and put her arm around Waverly’s shoulders. 

“Like drive across country in a broken down van,” Nicole smiled, kissing Waverly on the forehead.

Waverly gasped and playfully hit Nicole’s arm. “That van is in pristine condition!”

“You’re right, baby,” Nicole nodded but shot Rosita a look that made her giggle behind her hand. “Come on, let’s get you moved in.”

***

Why were her hands so sweaty?

Nicole wiped them on her jeans but nothing seemed to help. A song played overhead and she focused on it, trying to let it soothe her for a moment.

_I may not always love you. But long as there are stars above you-_

The PA system overhead pinged with an announcement and she jumped, cheeks immediately tinting with embarrassment. 

“Hey, baby,” Waverly said, tucking some of Nicole’s hair behind her ear. She leaned into the touch and adjusted the duffel on her shoulder. “You okay?”

The whole thing felt all too reminiscent of when Nicole left for training camp. When she stepped onto that bus and didn’t see Waverly again, until she felt like she was half the woman she used to be.

“I’m fine,” Nicole lied uselessly. Waverly always knew when she was lying. So even as she hummed in disbelief, Waverly just nodded and traced Nicole’s hairline with a light finger. Usually Nicole would tense and think of the potentially unfriendly eyes around them, but Waverly’s touch brought her too much comfort to care at the moment.

_The world could show nothing to me. So what good would living do me-_

Nicole leaned into Waverly’s hand and let her eyes flutter shut. She took a deep breath and tried to focus on other things. Like how the strap of the duffel was digging uncomfortably into her shoulder, and the fabric of the strap was rough against her finger. There were little ridges in the material that Nicole counted with her fingernail, bumping over each one until she couldn’t reach anymore. Then her thumb would move back to where it started and count again.

_One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen-_

Her thumb reached its limit at thirteen. That couldn’t be lucky. She stretched her thumb out just a little more. 

_Fourteen._

There. Back to the top.

Her jacket felt a little too hot in the stuffy airport air, and her hair was tickling halfway down her neck. Definitely time for a haircut.

“Baby,” Waverly whispered. Nicole could feel her fingers tracing the namepatch on her jacket. A familiar action that made her muscles relax just that little bit.

“Yeah?” Nicole whispered back, eyes finally fluttering back open. Her eyes met hazel almost immediately and she smiled.

“I’m gonna miss you,” Waverly said, her eyes moving to watch her fingers on Nicole’s chest.

“I’m gonna miss you too,” Nicole said, wrapping her arms around Waverly’s shoulders and pulling her into a hug. “So so much.”

“But I’ll see you soon,” Waverly said into Nicole’s jacket. 

Nicole nodded and pressed her cheek to the top of Waverly’s head. They just held each other for a moment before an alert for Nicole’s flight came onto the PA system. Waverly groaned and held Nicole tighter. 

“I don’t want you to go,” Waverly whispered.

“I don’t wanna go either, babe,” Nicole said into the top of her head. She breathed her in deeply, the same scent that had invaded her senses since Nicole first met her. Now any slightest hint of sandalwood with flowers and Nicole’s heart would flutter. “I’ll miss you so much.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t be doing this,” Waverly confessed, hands tightening into fists at the front of Nicole’s jacket. “Maybe I should go home.”

_God only knows what I'd be without you. If you should ever leave me. Though life would still go on, believe me-_

Nicole would admit the whole thing was very tempting to agree to, even if Waverly was only half serious. The idea of Waverly being all the way across the country made her chest tighten with longing already. But she knew this was what Waverly needed. To go off somewhere and be her amazing genius self. To reach her full potential. Nicole wasn’t going to be the one to hold that back. Maybe her own aspirations had never gotten much further from ‘make something of yourself’, and her once restless soul felt comfortable in her job. But she knew Waverly could never be satisfied with that. It was part of the reason Nicole loved her so much.

“Baby, you know that’s silly,” Nicole said softly. “It’s hard now but it’ll get easier. And you’ll be back every few months and we’ll write and call and it’ll be all very romantic. The distance.”

“It wasn’t romantic the first time,” Waverly pointed out.

Nicole chuckled and raised her eyes in thought. “It was maybe...a little romantic.”

“No. It wasn’t. I think getting the letter that you were injured really put a damper on that,” Waverly pointed out. 

“Fine,” Nicole conceded. 

“Thank you,” Waverly said with a triumphant smile that almost instantly fell. “See, not romantic.”

“Okay, but think of all the awesome things you’re going to learn,” Nicole said. “And then you can tell me all the smart things I don’t understand. But I’ll pretend like I do.”

“Can we still watch TV together?” Waverly asked.

“It’s a date. Every Friday night,” Nicole said, kissing Waverly’s forehead.

“I’m going to call you every day,” Waverly said.

Nicole chuckled and kissed the top of her head before pulling away slightly to look down at her.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“I can’t wait to see what amazing, beautiful things you do here,” Nicole whispered, holding Waverly’s face in her hands.

“I’ll see you soon,” Waverly said, tears already starting in the corners of her eyes. Nicole felt pressure behind her eyes, but still tried to smile through it. She knew if she started, Waverly would start. And she couldn’t leave her in the airport crying.

“I’ll see you so so soon,” Nicole agreed, brushing some of Waverly’s hair behind her ear. 

Waverly hiccuped and Nicole felt her vision cloud from tears. “Be safe. Please. Call me if anything-...if you feel-...”

“I know, babe,” Nicole said, quickly wiping away two tears that had managed to escape down her cheeks. “I love you.”

“I love you,” Waverly said, their faces still close.

“Ma’am,” came a kind voice behind her. She looked over her shoulder and saw the stewardess smiling apologetically. “Sorry, ma’am, you have to get on the plane. We’re about to leave.”

Nicole nodded and turned back to Waverly. “Call me if you need anything. _Anything.”_

Waverly kissed her hard, there in the middle of the airport, and frankly Nicole didn’t care at all. She didn’t care if people stared or yelled in this moment. Because she was leaving Waverly behind and even though she knew it was for the best, it still killed her inside. It still hurt.

“I love you,” Waverly whispered again against Nicole’s lips.

“I love you too,” Nicole said, pecking her lips one more time. She gripped both of Waverly’s wrists and gently pulled them from the front of her shirt. Waverly was still hiccuping, tears apparent on her face and Nicole’s heart broke all over again. She quickly dropped her duffel off her shoulder, letting it thump to the ground, and shrugged off her jacket.

“But-”

“Ssh,” Nicole said. “You’re already wearing my shirt, you should have the jacket that goes with it.”

Waverly slipped her arms through it and hugged it close to her. It was way too big for her, sleeves hanging well past her arms, but Nicole had never seen anything more adorable.

“Bye,” Nicole whispered, kissing her one last time. 

“Bye,” Waverly managed, voice sore. “Call me as soon as you’re home.”

“I will, Waves,” Nicole said, picking up her duffel and slowly backing away from Waverly. She watched as she hugged the jacket even tighter around her, one hand around her middle while she waved sadly at Nicole. 

Nicole winked at her and waved back, walking backwards down the corridor to the plane until she couldn’t see Waverly anymore. Then she let herself truly cry.

_God only knows what I'd be without you._

***

Maybe being apart from Waverly wouldn’t be as bad as Nicole had thought. 

She had been so busy at work the past few days that she basically just went home and collapsed anyways.

There had been only a few robbery and assault cases, nothing too insane that she needed to feel Waverly next to her afterwards to feel safe. Maybe she’d been worried for nothing. Waverly had called her every night so far and they’d stay on the phone for hours like two teenagers in love.

Nicole was sure she could do this for a few more months. They said it was the first few days that would be the hardest, but so far they’d been a breeze. Nicole wasn’t worried at all. Not in the slightest bit. Even if her heart ached a little bit every time she thought of Waverly. If that was going to be the worst it would get, she’d be fine. Perfectly fine.

***

Nicole’s eyes were drawn to the pile of paperwork in the outbox on her desk as soon as she sat down that morning. She frowned and lifted the corner of the stack to take a peek at the paper underneath. Dated three days ago.

She looked back up at the reception desk where Nedley’s newest charity case was sitting, dirty boots propped up on the desk as he flipped through a girlie magazine they’d taken off someone in the holding cell.

Champ Hardy. 

Washed up, failed rodeo clown who’d apparently gotten fired from his job at the grocery store. Nicole wasn’t sure why Nedley thought he’d be a good fit for Nicole’s old job of filing paperwork and just generally keeping the office up, but she knew better than to question the sheriff. But if the growing stack of paperwork on her desk was anything to be believed, he was already slacking off. 

“Hey, Champ,” Nicole said loud enough for him to hear. He smacked his gum louder and she cleared her throat. “Hardy!”

He finally looked up at her, eyes bored. “Yeah?”

“Can you file these, please?” she asked, gesturing towards the pile. “They’ve been here since the beginning of the week.”

Champ’s eyes didn’t even move to the stack, he just shrugged and looked back at the magazine. “Sure.”

Nicole stared at him for a moment and cleared her throat again. He looked back at her and she raised her eyebrows at him. They stared at each other for a moment before Champ finally scoffed, throwing the magazine haphazardly onto the reception desk and sliding out of the chair. Some dirt was jostled from his boots when they thumped on the floor and Nicole clenched her jaw.

He practically stomped over to her desk and flamboyantly picked up the stack of papers from her outgoing basket.

“Thanks,” she said stiffly. He stopped next to her desk and pointed at the picture frame of her and Waverly at her graduation. Waverly in her cap and gown and Nicole holding her bridal style, broad smiles playing on their faces and the two just staring at each other like no one else was around.

“You...know Waverly?” he said, jaw still chomping on the gum as it rolled around in his mouth.

“Um, yeah,” Nicole opened a new file on her desk and picked up her pencil. She didn’t want to talk to Hardy about Waverly. Most of the station knew their relationship, and most didn’t care. Those who did usually...just ignored it. But Nedley didn’t care so no one said anything. Once in a while she would get sideways glances or snide comments from other officers, but Nedley always put a stop to it when he saw it. She could tell Champ would be less than receptive. 

Champ stayed standing next to Nicole’s desk even though she was pointedly ignoring him. He reached out and picked up the picture and Nicole bristled.

“You know, we dated in high school,” he said with a suggestive wiggle of his eyes. “She was wild then. I was the football captain...she was the head cheerleader...you know how it is.”

Nicole’s grip tightened on her pencil, and she was sure it was one second away from snapping.

“She dating anyone now?” Champ asked.

Nicole turned in her chair and snatched the frame from Champ’s grubby hands. “Hardy, can you please just file the paperwork?”

Champ scoffed in disbelief. “Fine. Geez.”

He walked over to the filing cabinets and began to messily stuff the files into their spots. At least, Nicole hoped he was putting them in the right place. She breathed deeply out of her nose and went back to her report, thumb and forefinger holding her head up by her forehead. She could her Champ noisily opening and closing the drawers as he went, lips smacking as he chewed his gum.

Nicole got into her report and after a few minutes she successfully tuned him out. She finished her report and set it in the outgoing basket with an accomplished smile.

“You know,” Champ said from the filing cabinet, his voice scratching at the inside of Nicole’s skull. “I think you should give me Waverly’s number. She come around a lot?”

“It’s not my place to give you someone else’s number, Champ,” Nicole pointed out. She preferred to go with the easiest reason that didn’t involve outing herself to someone who she was sure wouldn’t be okay to it.

“I mean it’s not like I don’t know her,” Champ continued. His face stretched to a lewd grin and he grabbed his crotch and thrust the air once. “And I mean, _really_ know her.” He snorted and grabbed his garish belt buckle. “She always pretended not to be interested but I finally wore her down and got my dick in that tight-”

Nicole stood up so fast that her chair spun out and hit the wall behind her, leaving a dent in the drywall. 

Champ looked a little caught off guard and took a step back with a frown. “What the-”

“Waverly is my girlfriend,” Nicole said stiffly. “Not like girl who is a friend but _girlfriend_. And I will not tolerate you talking like that about her, or any other woman for that matter. Do you hear me?”

Champ frowned and looked Nicole up and down. “No way. Waverly isn’t some _dyke_.”

Nicole licked her lips and stood her ground, heart pounding in her chest. “You’re right. She’s not. And neither am I because you will not be using that language in here anymore.”

“You’re not the boss of me,” Champ spat.

“Hardy,” Nedley’s stern voice came from the doorway of his office. “Do we have a problem here?”

Nicole swallowed thickly, looking down her nose at Champ as the boy looked back at her. He took a step back and broke eye contact with Nicole, looking over at Nedley. 

“No, sir,” Champ said.

“No, sir,” Nicole said after him, finally looking back at the Sheriff. Her cheeks tinted when she saw the stern look on his face. “Sorry, sir.”

Nedley gruffed, mustache twitching as he looked between the two. “Good. Keep it that way.”

Champ turned tail and walked back to his reception desk and Nicole’s posture relaxed. She looked back at Nedley who was still staring Champ hard in the back as he sat down. He huffed again and looked back at Nicole.

“I expect you to stay outta trouble too,” he said softly.

“Yessir,” Nicole said, blushing even deeper.

He raised his coffee mug to her with a nod and turned back into his office without another word. Nicole looked back at Hardy who had picked up the dirty magazine again and was flipping through it.

When Nicole left that night, she did the general scan of the parking lot like she always did. She noticed Champ leaning against the wall near the dumpsters, face only lit by the end of his cigarette as he took a deep inhale. She nodded at him in recognition, trying to appear friendly for the sake of the Sheriff. She pulled her keyring out of the pocket of her Sheriff’s jacket and got the key ready to get into her cruiser.

“Hey, Haught!” Champ said, pushing off the wall and taking long strides towards Nicole. She noticed the mostly empty beer bottle in his hand and eyed him cautiously.

“Officer Haught,” Nicole corrected as she opened the door of her cruiser. She leaned over the top of the door and looked at Champ as he stopped a few feet away from Nicole. 

“I just wanted to get Wavey’s number from ya,” he said. He was still smacking on a piece of gum and she wondered if it was the same one. “Didn’t get a chance to get it inside.”

“If you two were so close you’d think you’d already have it,” Nicole shrugged. 

Champ waved a hand in front of his face. “You know Waves. She doesn’t know what’s good for her.” Champ eyes Nicole up and down. “Clearly.”

“She seems to be doing just fine, Champ,” Nicole said with a stiff smile. She nodded at him and moved to get into the car. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Champ reached forward and grabbed the edge of the car door to keep Nicole from closing it. She considered pulling it away but stared him down instead.

“I’ll get Waverly’s number,” he said firmly. “Everyone knows we’re meant to be together.”

Nicole felt the slow anger that had been building throughout the day flare in her chest again, blurring her vision until she only saw red. She wanted to punch Champ in his stupid punchable face. But she remembered Waverly asking her not to get into these situations. To not be reckless and get hurt just because she needed to _feel_. So she took a deep breath and just smiled at Champ.

“Then good luck, Hardy,” Nicole slipped into her cruiser and yanked the door out of his grip, satisfied to watch him stumble forward a little bit as she did. Without another look back, Nicole started to pull out of her parking spot and towards the exit when-

_Crash!_

Nicole’s heart stopped in her chest, hands gripping the wheel tightly as she slammed on the brakes. 

“It’s fine,” she whispered to herself. “I’m home. I’m safe.”

She looked into the rearview mirror to see a broken beer bottle near the back wheel of her car. Her grip tightened impossibly hard on the steering wheel, and she watched as Champ got into his own car. Her jaw tightened, the muscles in her neck aching as she tried to breathe through her anxiety. Cold sweat prickled along her skin and her stomach turned. The smell of dirt and blood invaded her senses and she shook her head.

“I’m fine,” she gritted out, as she lifted her foot from the brake. 

Nicole wasn’t entirely sure how she got to Gus’ house but she was shaking as she pulled up in front. 

Wynonna was sitting on the roof and waved down at her as she unfolded herself from the car.

“Haught! Didn’t expect-” Her brow furrowed when she saw Nicole’s face and she disappeared into the house in a flash, only to reappear out the front door. She walked over to Nicole and looped her arm around Nicole’s waist. “Come on, Nic.”

Nicole let Wynonna lead her into the house as she tried to focus on breathing. In...and out. In-

Wynonna gripped her a little too hard, and Nicole pushed her away. “Stop, I can’t breathe.”

“Okay, Haught,” Wynonna said, hands up in surrender. “Just tell me what you need. Space? Water? Some Mary Jane? I’ve got it all.”

“Maybe all of it,” Nicole confessed.

Wynonna smiled. “No problem. Now let’s get you upstairs.”

***

Not long after that, Nicole was sitting on the floor of Wynonna’s bedroom, knees folded up to her chest. She had taken off her uniform and Wynonna folded it neatly (at least as neatly as Wynonna could) and set it aside. Nicole had borrowed one of Wynonna’s ripped black Black Sabbath t-shirts and sat in her boxers, a half-smoked joint limp between her fingers as she watched the end of it burn orange. She used her other finger to get close to the end, feeling the heat rising from it and threatening to burn her. She had half a mind to smash the end into her arm to put it out. She wondered how it would feel. How it would make her feel.

The door opened, and Eliza followed Wynonna into the room. She had a take-out bag rolled and crumpled in her hand, and Nicole could smell the grease coming from it. Wynonna plopped down across from Nicole, setting down the three shakes she was balancing in her arms.

“I’m not hungry,” Nicole stated, looking back at the burning joint. She couldn’t bring herself to look either of them in the eye, her stomach sick with the reality of her failure. It was just a stupid beer bottle. One stupid beer bottle thrown near her car and she almost went into shell shock.

Wynonna plucked the joint from Nicole’s fingers and took a long drag of it. The smoke left her lips like a curtain rising up to the ceiling and she handed it to Eliza.

“Then you haven’t smoked enough yet,” Wynonna said, as Eliza took a drag and passed it to Nicole. She sighed but took a big hit anyway, revelling in how the ashes burned her lungs and the smoke coated the roof of her mouth with a film that was somehow comforting. She could feel the smoke curling up into her brain as she blew it out, her muscles relaxing even more. “Have you tried calling Waves yet?”

Nicole shook her head and passed the joint to Wynonna, who replaced it in her hand with a cheeseburger. 

Eliza got up from her spot, fries hanging from her lips as she picked up the rotary phone and untangled the cord so that it could reach Nicole. She sighed again and took the receiver, putting in Waverly’s new number. It rang and rang, each one that went unanswered made Nicole’s stomach turn.

_Something’s wrong. She found out. She’s ashamed._

The phone kept ringing and ringing and Nicole just put it back on the cradle, staring at it like it had burned her.

“I’m sure she’s just busy,” Eliza said, leaning forward and shoving a fry into Nicole’s mouth. “We’ll try again later.”

Nicole looked at the clock on Wynonna’s nightstand. Eleven o’clock. Three hours ahead of them...what could Waverly be doing.

_She’s hurt. She’s dead. She got caught in one of those activist things and she got hurt. She’s probably fucking someone else right now-_

Nicole took a big bite of the burger Wynonna had shoved at her, the grease leaking down the side of her hand as she chewed slowly. Her hands were still shaking, mind awash with possibilities of where Waverly could be...what she could be doing. She forced herself to swallow the cheeseburger as she let her mind wander away from Waverly. For just a moment.

***

Nicole was pulling up to the back of Shorty’s when she heard the phone ringing upstairs in their apartment.

“Oh shit,” she said as she quickly locked the door to her cruiser and ran up the stairs. She fumbled with her keys for a moment before they found the lock and her door swung open. Nicole quickly kicked the door closed so that Calamity didn’t get out as she dove for the phone. She fumbled with it for a moment before she pressed the phone to her ear.

“Hello-, hello?” Nicole said, getting her footing back.

“Hey, soldier,” Waverly said, on the other side of the line.

Nicole felt a sort of relief flood through her body as she pulled out a stool from the kitchen counter. “Hey, Waverly,” she said as she sat carefully onto the stool. “I was hoping you’d call back.”

“Are you okay?” Waverly asked. “Wynonna called me this morning and said there was an...incident.”

Shame flooded Nicole’s body and she twisted the phone cord around her hand. The thick rubber pressed into her skin and she cleared her throat. “I um…it wasn’t a big deal. How was...your night last night?”

_Where were you?_

Nicole pulled the cord even tighter and watched as her thumb turned a bright red from the lack of blood flow. 

“Oh I was with Rosita,” Waverly said dismissively. “We went out and I lost track of time-“

_They’re fucking. They probably had some kinda free love orgy-_

“-But, baby, please tell me about you. Are you okay? What happened?” Waverly’s voice was soft and soothing. Nicole loosened her grip on the cord and it unraveled from her hand, thumb tingling in relief as blood flowed back to it. 

“We have a new guy at work. Champ Hardy? Seems like...you know him,” Nicole started. 

Waverly groaned, and Nicole could practically see her roll her eyes. “Ugh. Champ. Yeah we dated in high school. He was insufferable then and I can only imagine how insufferable he is now.”

“Yeah he’s...not great,” Nicole said. She pulled the pad and pencil Waverly liked to keep next to the phone towards her, and began to doodle around a phone number Waverly had written down before she left. “He kept trying to...get your number off of me.”

“He’s so awful. You know he told me in high school that I shouldn’t eat Twinkies if I wanted to keep my cheerleader figure,” Waverly said. Nicole heard the crinkling of plastic on the other end and smiled to herself. Waverly sounded like she was chewing something as she talked. “Like, what an ass! I shouldn’t have been with him as long as I was but I was young and...didn’t think anyone else would want me.”

“Baby,” Nicole said softly. A thousand words of reassurance so ready to spill from her mouth that they all tripped over each other and got stuck. 

“It’s fine now,” Waverly said quickly. “Obviously I now have the love of my life, and she’s the grooviest girl in the world.”

Nicole couldn’t fight the smile off her face as she deflected. “Are you eating a Twinkie now?”

“No, it’s a moon pie.”

“Gross.”

“Whatever. They’re not for everyone,” Waverly defended. “Just means more for me. Now tell me, what did that asshole do?”

The sound of the glass breaking felt raw in her ear and she pressed a little too hard on the pencil she was doodling with so the lead went through the first layer of paper. 

“He um...well he seems insistent that you two are going to end up together. And when I was leaving he tried to stop me. Then when I was driving away he threw a bottle at my cruiser-“

“He _what_?”

“It’s fine. He just...freaked me out. You know, the loud noise-“

“What did Nedley say when you told him?” Waverly asked. 

“I...didn’t-“

“Nicole!”

“I don’t need to feel chastised!” Nicole snapped, grip tightening painfully on the pencil. “I already feel like shit about it. I don’t need you to make it worse.”

She heard Waverly take a deep breath on the other side of the phone. “You’re right,” she said, voice calm. “I’m sorry.”

They sat in silence for a moment and Nicole clenched and unclenched her jaw. An exercise in not saying all the words going through her brain. All the hurtful barbs she could throw at Waverly for no reason other than she was angry...shamed...something to take the focus off herself. But she swallowed them and shook her head. 

“I’m sorry too,” Nicole said, letting the pencil fall on the counter. “I’m sorry for getting upset.”

“It’s okay, baby, I get it,” Waverly said. “Please only do what you feel comfortable with. But just know that Nedley would back you up. He loves you. You’re his golden child.”

“I don’t know about that-“

“It’s true,” Waverly assured her. “And rightfully so. As I already said, you’re the grooviest.”

Nicole chuckled, the distance between them feeling even more massive at that moment. “Yeah yeah.”

It got so quiet between them that Nicole could swear she heard the buzzing of the phone line. 

“Hey,” Waverly whispered, finally breaking the silence.

“Yeah?” Nicole whispered back.

“I wish I could have been there for you-”

“You don’t-”

“Hush, silly,” Waverly chastised lightly. “I wish I was with you.”

“I wish too, baby,” Nicole replied, eyes fluttering shut as tears lined her lashes.

***

_Dear Waverly,_

_Sometimes it just feels like letters are the better way to go. I know you found it all very romantic when I was in Nam and thought I’d try it...again. Especially since I know it’s getting harder for you to answer the phone with all your work._

_I’m so proud of you, by the way. Of you going all the way across the country and accomplishing all the dreams you have in that big beautiful brain of yours. Sometimes I wonder why you stay with a real dummy like me but I won’t question it. You’re going to achieve so much, and I can’t wait to see it._

_I miss you every day still. I miss waking up with you in my arms and coming home to your smile and going to Shorty’s just to see you. I miss you. In every way possible. I think I may see how you missed me now, when I was gone. It is its own different kind of difficult to be in the same place, but you’re just not here. The world goes on around you and things remain relatively the same but with one big thing missing. You’re gone._

_I know I remind you of this every time we talk, but I feel like I need to say it again. Don’t worry about me. Please. I promise I’m fine. And will always be fine. Just study hard and I can’t wait for the day we’re back together._

_Love,  
Nicole_

***

_Dearest Nicole,_

_Oh my love, I miss you so much. I know exactly what you mean. When you were at war, I got up and did my normal routine every day, just without you. It was a horrible year of missing you more than air. I’m know you missed me, but I’m also sure that you were experiencing so many amazing and horrible things while you were gone._

_I miss you, I do, but my days are filled with so many new and exciting things. My classes are so interesting so far, I wish I could make you sit through them with me so we could talk about it afterwards. There have been some demonstrations in Harvard Square that Rosita has taken me to and introduced me to people. I know you want me to be careful, and I promise I am. Last year they had a crazy demonstration against the war that ended horribly. The police showed up, people were injured...but I promise I’ll be careful. I don’t want you worrying about me. And I tell everyone about my brave, strong, beautiful girlfriend who fought in Vietnam, and is the most honorable person I know. And if they don’t like that, they can move on._

_I talked to a couple of people and it seems like there’s even talk of starting a gay newspaper. Can you imagine? A whole newspaper for people like us!_

_Things here are so much different than back home. People are more open and willing to listen to others’ points of view. I wish you could just move here with me. I know it’s impossible, but I think about it every day._

_Around here reminds me of Woodstock. But cleaner and more organized, but probably just as many drugs. Again, I’m being careful!_

_Rosita introduced me to something she’s calling disco. I suppose she was turned onto it when she visited New York. It’s a lot of fun and I’ll send you a record of it when I find a good one._

_I love you so much, my love. I love seeing your handwriting on the envelope when I get the mail. You’re right, I do find it romantic. Because when I miss you, I can open up your letters and they kind of smell like you. Sweet vanilla. It’s embarrassing...But...When I really miss you...I go to the corner and get a vanilla dipped donut and just stick my nose in the bag. And pretend you’re there with me._

_I love you. My love. My soldier. And I’ll see you soon._

_Love,  
Waverly_

***

Nicole refolded Waverly’s letter and set it carefully in her bedside drawer. She had done it so many times, the pen had begin to fade where the crease was. For two days she’d had her notepad out to write Waverly another letter but...couldn’t think of anything.

Everything she thought about saying was just talking about how much she missed Waverly and how boring everything was without her. She didn’t have any fun or interesting things that were happening like Waverly did. Her life was the same boring mess it had been since she got back from overseas, but the only difference was that the small light in her life was across the country hardly even realizing she was gone.

Nicole stared up at the ceiling and CJ immediately walked over her chest, settling on top of her. She started petting her and CJ purred loudly, Nicole’s entire chest vibrating with the force of it. The cat’s eyes closed slowly, perfectly content and happy to have Nicole there with her. She wondered if CJ missed Waverly too. She probably didn’t mind the extra space on the bed every night even if she did miss her.

Nicole’s loneliness felt like a gaping hole in her chest and she carded her fingers through CJ’s fur lovingly. She squeezed her eyes shut and breathed deeply through her nose as her throat closed up and tears threatened to leak from her eyes. 

She was fine. Everything was fine. Waverly was off having the time of her life, and Nicole was...fine.

***

Nicole breathed a sigh of relief when Waverly picked up the phone on the third ring. She just needed to hear her voice and to hear her say she missed Nicole as much as she missed her. 

“Hey, baby,” Waverly answered the phone, voice cheery. “How are you?”

Nicole forced a smile and hoped it counteracted the storm happening in her head. 

“Fine,” she said dismissively. “How are you?”

“I’m great,” Waverly said a little breathlessly. “I really thought I wouldn’t find all my classes interesting but I’ve already read ahead in all my textbooks. Just for fun!”

Nicole couldn’t help but chuckle at Waverly’s enthusiasm. “That’s amazing, babe.”

“Are you okay?” Waverly asked, concern leaking into her voice. “You sound a little down?”

“Oh I’m just...tired,” Nicole deflected, playing with a fraying hole in the denim of her jeans. Waverly told her it was time to get rid of this pair before she left, but here they were. 

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

Nicole heard someone talking in the background of Waverly’s phone and pressed her ear a little closer to the receiver. She heard Waverly say something to the other person and continued to pick at the hole.

“Hey, baby,” Waverly said as she came back over the receiver. “I have to go. Rosita and I are going to a women’s group at the local coffee house.”

“O-oh,” Nicole was unable to hide the disappointment in her voice.

“I’m really sorry, Nicole,” Waverly said softly. “I’ll call you later, okay?”

“It’s okay, Waves,” Nicole said quickly. “Just call me when you get home.”

Nicole could practically hear Waverly grimacing on the other side of the phone. “I...can’t tonight. It’s going to be a late one.”

“Tomorrow?” Nicole said hopefully.

“I have...classes all day,” Waverly whined. “I’m sorry! I’ll call you on Wednesday, okay?”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Nicole reassured her. “I promise you.”

“I love you,” Waverly said. “Goodnight.” 

“Night...Waves,” Nicole said. She kept the receiver pressed to her ear and listened for the click of Waverly hanging up the phone and the responding beep of the dead line. She licked her lips as the hole in her chest deepened. “I miss you.”

***

Champ hadn’t let up at work.

In the office, he was fine. He would throw her looks and file her paperwork last, but he didn’t bother her. Especially when Nedley was around. It was always after work when they were off the clock that he would mess Nicole. 

Usually it just meant him following her to her cruiser and trying to get more information about Waverly out of her. Mostly he said crude things about Waverly. His insults felt fairly flat, suggesting that Nicole could never pleasure a woman the way Champ could.

That was his chosen brand of insult today it seemed. Nicole saw him getting out of his still running car and start walking behind her, the radio pouring through his open window. She could practically smell the alcohol coming off of him and wondered if he’d spent the last hour he was off just getting shit faced in the parking lot. That was definitely something to talk to Nedley about. 

_There's battle lines being drawn. Nobody's right if everybody's wrong-_

Nicole distracted herself from his presence behind her by rolling up the sleeves of her uniform shirt up to her elbows. She was off the clock, she could dress down just a little. She was only going straight home anyways. She could feel him walking behind her, the hairs on the back of her neck standing up on edge as his footsteps echoed hers.

Finally she spun around and stopped hard in her tracks, causing him to stumble forward a little in surprise. 

“What do you want, Champ?” Nicole asked, arms crossed in front of her chest. 

The overhead lights in the parking lot did little to illuminate them, instead casting long shadows across his face and on the pavement. Champ’s smile looked more like a snarl as he tried to make himself taller.

“Just making sure you don’t mess with any girls on the way to your car,” he slurred. 

Nicole’s jaw clenched. “What does that even mean?”

“I see how you people do it. How you prey on young girls,” Champ snorted. “Is that how you got Waverly? You forced her-”

There was that twinge of anger and sadness at the back of her brain that was making her heart rate spike and daring her to do something. She clenched her fists at her sides, shoulders straightening.

“Seriously? I knew you were a prick but I didn’t realize you were an idiot too,” Nicole said with a small chuckle. 

Champ’s face turned red and he lunged at her, but Nicole held her place as he came within inches of her.

“You shut up, you stupid dyke,” he said lowly. “Leave Waverly alone. Or else.”

_Paranoia strikes deep. Into your life it will creep-_

Nicole frowned, her blood boiling over as adrenaline coursed through her veins. “Or else what, Champ? She already chose me. You’re shit out of luck. And stop drinking in the parking lot or I’ll tell Nedley.”

Champ scoffed and spit at Nicole’s feet. He grabbed his crotch grotesquely and took another step closer to Nicole. “All she needs is a good fuck to know what she really wants.”

“I’ve warned you enough. You can say whatever you want about me but leave Waverly out of this,” Nicole said lowly.

Champ smirked like he had her cornered. “I’ll say whatever I want about my girlfriend.”

“Maybe if you could have cut it as a real cop, Waverly would still want you,” Nicole grit out.

She watched as the smirk on Champ’s face fell, anger clouding his face. He lunged for Nicole and grabbed her around the waist, sending her falling back against the door of her car. She grunted in pain but any small semblance of self control she had left was gone. 

_It starts when you're always afraid. You step out of line, the man come and take you away-_

She shoved him away from her and he lunged again, clocking his fist across her jaw and sending a bloom of hot pain through her head. She could taste the blood in her mouth but she reached for his wrist to twist it around his back anyways. 

“Stop it, Champ! I don’t want to fight you!” she snarled in his ear. He threw his entire body weight back against her and slammed her into the car again causing her grip on his wrist to loosen. He flipped around and sucker punched her in the nose. White hot pain bloomed from her nose and she punched him straight in the crotch. He hunched over in pain and her knee came up to hit him in the nose. 

Champ fell to the ground and Nicole only saw red. She got on top of him and held him down on the ground with one hand while the other punched him in the face. She could feel cartilage crunching under her fist as she pummelled him mercilessly. 

_We better stop, hey, what's that sound-_

He sputtered under her fist, the pain in her hand becoming so unbearable that it got numb. He coughed again, a weak hand coming up and batting her away. It was like the cloud was lifted from over her eyes and she paused, fist pulled back and ready to punch Champ again.

His face was puffy and bloody, practically pulp as he whimpered on the ground. Nicole quickly scrambled off of him and stood up, entire body shaking in pain and adrenaline. She felt blood pouring from her lip and what felt like above her eye, but when she looked down at her hands they were covered in blood. The knuckles of her right hand were ripped open and raw, covered in her blood and Champ’s. 

Blood on her hands. Nicole just dropped to her knees and screamed.

_Everybody look what's going down._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to chapter 2. Things get more angsty and definitely more NSFW so...be warned. Note the new tags. I just want to say thank you for reading and thank you for coming on this journey with me again. I don't think it'll be the last <3
> 
> Thanks to my friend and beta[Lucky](https://https://twitter.com/LuckyWantsTo) for being a great cheerleader always. Also she looks great in the uniform.

_Dear Nicole,_

_I miss you so much you have no idea. Somehow I miss you more now than when you were overseas. Maybe because I was so worried about you being okay that I couldn’t miss you with my full capacity. But now that I know you’re home safe and sound I miss you with every fiber of my being._

_I need to touch you more than I need air. Sometimes I’ll be in the library trying to study and all I can think about is you taking me between the stacks. I’ll be looking for a book and you’ll come up behind me and just ravish me. You’ll push me against the stacks and I’ll put my legs around your waist and you’ll sink so deep in me that all I see is stars. I wish there was some way I could convey how much I need you._

_When are you coming to visit? I need to see you sooner rather than later. Next time I see you I want to fuck you so hard you forget your own name. I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep my hands off of you until we’re back in my apartment._

_I miss you so much, baby. I can’t wait to touch you again. To be with you again._

_Stay safe,  
Waverly_

***

The water swirled pink around Nicole as the blood lifted from her skin. She sat in the bathtub, knees pulled up to her chest as she stared into the water’s surface. Her reflection was hazy but she could see a cut above her eye and a split in her lip that looked worse than it felt. 

Lonnie had come outside after Nicole screamed and found them both on the ground. It took Lonnie and Nedley to get Nicole to calm down, her fight or flight instinct going crazy without being able to shake the feeling of danger. 

But eventually she calmed down and the only thing that was going through her mind was that she had to see Waverly. 

It would be awhile before she forgot Nedley’s face, and how his mustache twitched when he had to tell her that Waverly was still in Boston. 

It was lucky that Champ was locked up in the drunk tank when Wynonna came or she might have ended up arrested too.

One stern talking to and a suspension later and Nicole was back at her apartment in the bathtub. Only after Wynonna stripped her down and practically forced her into it.

Waverly’s letter laid on the toilet seat next to her, having ripped into it as soon as she saw it on her doorstep. Waverly’s words lay just a few feet away from her, but her body ached from more than just her fight with Champ earlier.

Nicole needed Waverly. To feel her. She didn’t want to talk about Champ. She didn’t want to talk about what happened. She just wanted to feel Waverly and know she was hers and she was Waverly’s. To kiss her and taste her skin.

She could hear Wynonna on the phone in the other room but couldn’t make out what she was saying. There was a knock on the door before Wynonna poked her head in, phone pressed to her chest.

“It’s Waves,” Wynonna said softly, eyes taking in the marks all over Nicole’s face. 

Nicole just reached out her hand for the phone and Wynonna placed it there, setting the phone body on the floor next to the tub as far as the cord would let it. Nicole waited for Wynonna to close the door before she let out a long sigh. 

“Hello,” she croaked, voice barely cracking and making a noise.

“My baby,” Waverly breathed like a sigh of relief. Her words tickling the shell of Nicole’s ear even through the phone line. “I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Nicole said, eyes fluttering shut as the warmth of the bath seeped into her skin.

“What happened?” she asked, her voice taking on a fiery tone in an instant. “I’m going to kill Champ Hardy-”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Nicole interrupted as she stretched out in the bathtub, her toes hitting the other side as her knees bent and slightly out of the water to accommodate her height.

“Nicole,” Waverly trailed off. “Don’t you think you should-...I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I got your letter,” Nicole said, ignoring Waverly’s questioning and looking over at the half folded letter besides her. 

She could hear Waverly sigh from the other side of the line. “That was probably shitty timing for that-“

“No,” Nicole said. “Tell me. Distract me.”

“Tell you what?” Waverly said, voice soft and breathy.

Nicole licked her lips and let her eyes flutter shut. She imagined Waverly with her, holding her. Wet skin across wet skin, silky and smooth. “Tell me what you’d do to me. If you were here. Tell me what you’d do.”

Waverly gasped and Nicole pressed the phone tighter against her ear. She could practically hear Waverly thinking through the phone. 

“Are you...sure? You don’t want to talk?”

“I’m sure,” Nicole said as she let the hand not holding the phone slip under the surface of the water and settle on her hip. “Please.”

“Okay,” Waverly said. There was more rustling on the other line and Nicole began to idly trace circles on her own hip. “Well...at some of my women’s groups they’ve been talking about some things I’ve...never tried before.”

“Oh yeah?” Nicole said with a small smile, Champ already drifting further from her mind. 

“Yeah, but I’ll save that for when we’re together,” Waverly said. Nicole hummed and slowly dragged her fingers over her stomach. “I would kiss you. And kiss you all over your body. Just to make you wet.”

Nicole ran her fingers through the curls between her thighs before finding her clit. 

“And I’d kiss down between your thighs...use my tongue on you to taste you,” Waverly said, a little breathless. Nicole circled her clit and pretended it was Waverly. Pretended they were in bed and her head was between her thighs.

“I love how you taste,” Nicole swallowed thickly. “I love how you grab my hair when I’m eating you out.”

Waverly moaned. “I love your tongue. I love how you taste. Just thinking about it gets me wet.”

The circles around Nicole’s clit got tighter, hips pushing up into her own hand as she thought about Waverly doing the same from the other line. About Waverly naked in bed and palming her own breast as she brought herself to orgasm.

“I wish you were here, Waves,” Nicole was breathless, eyes shut as she pretended Waverly was the one touching her. Fucking her. “I’m so close.”

“Baby, I would do anything to be with you now,” Waverly said. “To feel you. For you to feel me. It’s all I want. I just want you inside me. Making me come.”

“Fuck, Waves,” Nicole breathed as a small orgasm rippled through her. Her words had made her snap immediately. It felt like like warmth was flowing through her veins, adrenaline and euphoria giving her a different kind of momentary release. She let out a shaky sigh, hand still moving in lazy circles between her legs as the last dregs of her orgasm coursed through her. She sat in the tub breathing for a moment, lungs burning as she came down from her high. Waverly’s heavy breathing was apparent on the other end and as the orgasm tapered off, she became acutely aware that the bath water was chilly now. Goosebumps erupted over her skin and she gripped the edge of the tub as she took a deep breath. She thought it would help and it did...but now she felt empty and shameful.

Her throat felt sore and she shut her eyes. 

“Thank you,” Nicole’s voice was raw, her legs boneless. She swallowed back her tears and forced a smile as if Waverly could see it. “Thank you.”

***

The next week, Nicole came back to work and was immediately called into Nedley’s office. She braced herself, stomach sick, as she walked into her boss’ office and sat in the chair in front of his desk.

She was convinced this was it, she was being fired.

Nicole looked down at the knuckles on her right hand, still bruised and scabbed over. 

Nedley was sitting at his desk, hands folded as he looked down at them silently. Nicole swallowed thickly, eyes on her own hands as she began to nervously pick at a scab.

“Officer Haught,” Nedley began as he looked back up at her, hands still folded. “I want to talk to you about what happened with Hardy last week.”

“I’m so sorry, sir,” Nicole blurted. “I should have called for backup instead of hitting him like that. It was a mistake and I’m so sorry. I understand if you have to let me go, I-”

“Haught,” Nedley said a little more firmly, mustache twitching but eyes not giving anything away. “I want to talk to you about it because I want to apologize.”

Nicole sat there in shock for a moment before she shook her head, brow creased. “Sir?”

Nedley took a deep breath and leaned forward on his elbows. “I knew Hardy didn’t fit in here. I knew he was a bad egg but...I was trying to do his mom a favor. He failed the police academy twice and clearly wasn’t going to end up in uniform. But I thought I could throw him a bone...I knew he was being...difficult, I guess I just didn’t know the extent of it.”

Nicole was sure her jaw was on the floor. She had come in here fully expecting to be let go and have her badge taken away. Instead Nedley was...apologizing?

“Knowing you, I know Hardy must have really said and done some shit to get you to touch him at all,” Nedley said gruffly. Nicole just blinked at him. “I always said I’d do all I could to protect my officers but I obviously failed by not making a safe environment for everyone. And I’m sorry. Hardy won’t be coming back.”

Nicole leaned forward in her chair to make sure she was hearing him right. “Sir...I’m an officer, he’s not. I should have controlled myself better.”

“And because you’re aware of that is why I’m just giving you a warning,” Nedley said with some finality. “I know you’re young and I would be lying if I said I’d never made my fair share of mistakes when I was your age. A better person learns from them, and I know you will.”

Nicole felt some of her anxiety dissipate and she was flooded with relief, her eyes fluttering closed for a moment as she let out a sigh.

“Thank you, Sir,” Nicole said as she stood up straight. She almost saluted but Nedley caught the twitch of her arm and gave her a look that told her to keep it at her side. “I won’t let you down again.”

“You haven’t yet, and I don’t suspect you will, Haught,” Nedley said pointedly. “Now get outta my office.”

Nicole just gave him one last grateful smile before going back to her desk.

***

Some days...Nicole was fine. She used to say “most days” but recently it had become “some days” she was fine and was slowly trickling into “once in a while” territory.

Lately, it mostly felt like the latter.

She sat on the edge of the bed, head in her hands and knees bouncing with a chaotic energy she couldn’t control.

Nicole felt sick to her stomach. A sickness that crawled through her veins and poisoned every bit of her. She could feel it in the tips of her fingers. Twitching and fiddling with anything they could find. An energy coursing through her body and telling her to release it. To release this poison in her veins. 

There was a razor in the bathroom. It wouldn’t be hard. To just release the pain. The sickness. To feel something.

Waverly was gone. She’d been gone for two months now and Nicole missed her. Missed her more than air, but Waverly didn’t miss her back. She was off living and having the time of her life. She was thriving and Nicole was here. Away from her so she couldn’t suck away her life force. 

Nicole felt it when they were together. Waverly...always checking in with her and making sure she was okay. Nicole was killing her. She knew she was. Waverly might not realize it but Nicole could feel it. 

Now that Waverly was away she could be herself. She could grow and thrive. Be more of the person she was before Nicole fucked up her life. 

Free.

Something Nicole would never be. 

Not with the way her brain turned on her. Her own thoughts were poisonous. Thick and choking her from the inside. She needed it out. All of it. 

The only thing really keeping her afloat was that Thanksgiving was creeping closer and closer and Waverly would be home soon. She could hold her and breathe her in, feel her skin again. Nicole took a deep breath and dug her nails into her scalp until it stung. She let out a small sigh of relief at the feeling and closed her eyes tightly. 

Waverly would be home soon. And it would be fine. Everything would be fine.

***

Nicole knew something was wrong as soon as Waverly picked up the phone. She could hear the regret in her voice from the first little “hello”. 

“How you doing, Waves?” Nicole asked as she lay down on the couch, slowly unbuttoning her uniform shirt. “Do you have your flight info yet?”

Waverly hesitated and let out a small sigh just as Nicole’s stomach dropped.

“Baby, I don’t think I’ll be able to come home for Thanksgiving,” Waverly said softly. “I just...have so much work to get done for finals. I think I have to stay.”

“Oh,” was all Nicole could say, as her hopes came crashing to the ground. She knew it wasn’t Waverly’s fault. She knew she studied hard and had a lot of work, but Nicole had been hanging all her hopes on this week long visit.

“I’m really sorry,” Waverly managed. “I want to see you, I do.”

“No, it’s fine,” Nicole said a little harsher than she intended. “I promise. You’re busy...it’s better this way. I get it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Well, I don’t really have a choice, do I?” Nicole said shortly. 

Waverly was silent for a moment before she came back just as short. “If you told me to come, I would.”

Nicole snorted. “No. It’s fine.”

“Nicole-”

“Seriously. It’s fine. Now how was your day?”

“You can’t deflect here,” Waverly insisted. “Tell me to come back if you want me to. If you need me to.”

Something about the pity in Waverly’s voice ticked Nicole off. Was Waverly really only coming back because she thought Nicole _needed_ her to? Like she was some sort of sad case and Waverly was the only one to help her out of it?

“Why? So you can fall behind on your work and it can be my fault?” Nicole asked. “And you can blame me?”

“You know I wouldn’t blame you-”

“It’s fine, Waverly. Like I already said,” Nicole interrupted. “You stay at _Harvard_ with your new fancy friends and get whatever done.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Waverly said with a humorless chuckle. “That’s not what this is about, Nicole! I have work to do! I don’t want to not see you!”

“Coulda fooled me,” Nicole mumbled.

“Ha! Well you know what, Nicole? You’re acting like a real asshole right now so I wouldn’t want to see this Nicole anyways,” Waverly said haughtily.

“Fine,” Nicole scoffed.

“Fine!”

“Call me back when you have time for me,” Nicole finished.

“Bye!”

The sound of the empty phone line rang in Nicole’s ear and she listened to it for a moment before throwing the phone back on the hook. Or trying to anyways. It missed and clattered to the surface of the coffee table instead and Nicole huffed as she slammed it onto the hook.

The anger still brewed heavily inside her and she shut her eyes, trying to will the angry tears to stay at bay. She didn’t need Waverly. All of these things, this darkness, it was only in her own head. She would get over it. On her own. Without Waverly.

***

Nicole wondered if she was in love with sadness.

It was so often that she just felt...nothing. The numbness was overwhelming. Was she even alive anymore? Or some sort of ghost floating through only the most mundane parts of life. More than once she found herself pressing the sharpened end of her pencil into her palm without even thinking about it. At least the pain let her know she was alive. That she wasn’t completely numb.

Sometimes she would hold on to the pain like an preserver in the middle of the ocean. The one Waverly usually helped her off of. The one she would have to figure her own way back to shore with.

Nicole was putting too much on Waverly, she knew she was. But that meant relying on herself which sometimes felt like the blind leading the blind. All she could really do was distract herself. To feel something other than the blinding sadness bouncing around in her brain. Something she wasn’t sure she’d never be able to shake again.

***

Nicole snorted, head light as she practically tipped over on the couch into Wynonna. 

Thanksgiving had gone as well as expected. Nicole and Eliza helped Gus in the kitchen, Wynonna chipping in every so often until she got distracted by something else and wandered off. Gus was grateful for the help as always, even if she kept trying to shoo them off to watch the parade in the kitchen or what have you.

Still, Waverly’s absence felt like a gaping wound, and Nicole wasn’t delusional enough to think that it was only she who felt it. The empty chair at the table was like a ghost looming over them until they actually called Waverly. 

Nicole hadn’t talked to her since their fight and stayed as quiet as possible through the call. She didn’t want to make up with her girlfriend with her entire family present. Plus, she couldn’t help but still feel a little resentful.

So instead of making up, Nicole drank every glass of wine put in front of her like it would be her last. Wynonna tried to keep up with her, matching her glass for glass until Gus finally went to bed and all three of them were a giggling mess on the couch.

Nicole had tipped into Wynonna who laughed and planted a sloppy kiss on Nicole’s forehead. She groaned and pushed Wynonna’s face away as they both laughed some more.

“Stop,” Nicole chuckled. “Waverly would kill us both.”

“No, she wouldn’t. She knows my standards ‘re higher ‘an you, ‘aught,” Wynonna teased as Eliza basically spread herself out so she was lying on top of both of them, all three in a pile on the couch. “Plus, she’s the one ‘at left us.”

Nicole hummed in agreement, trying to rearrange herself between the back of the couch and Wynonna comfortably, but Eliza on top of them was making it especially difficult.

“She abandoned us,” Wynonna spat bitterly. “Leavin’ us ‘ere.”

“She’s bein’ smart,” Nicole said, as she managed to push Eliza off and sit up. Eliza took no time filling in the space besides Wynonna and cuddling into her side with a drunken smile. “She’s smarter ‘an this place. Smarter ‘an me.”

Wynonna sat up quickly and grabbed Nicole’s chin between her thumb and forefinger. Nicole frowned and tried to focus her drunken eyes on Wynonna who was wagging a finger in her face.

“Don’t say tha’. You’re smart in your own cop way. M’kay?” Wynonna insisted.

“She’s right,” Eliza supported from her spot on the couch.

Nicole snorted and pushed Wynonna’s hand away. “Okay. Whatever.”

“She’ll be back next month,” Eliza reasoned as she pulled Wynonna back down to the couch by the back of her shirt.

“Only for a little bit,” Nicole mumbled mostly to herself as she pulled her knees up to her chest. She squeezed her eyes shut and smacked her lips to try and get the dry, sour taste out of her tongue to no avail. “Then she’ll leave me again.” Nicole shook her head, voice getting louder. “But it’s fine. It’s good. ‘M jus’ being selfish. I left too. I left her.”

“She’s not leaving you because you left her,” Wynonna said, voice softening as she forced herself back into a sitting position and leaned her forehead against Nicole’s shoulder. “Don’t think that.”

Nicole let her head tip back against the couch and she groaned again. 

“She’s better off without me.”

A small but sharp slap to her cheek knocked Nicole from her self pitying for a moment and she opened her eyes to see slightly unfocused blue eyes looking at her.

“Stop it. She loves you, Nicole Haught,” Wynonna said, voice suddenly sounding sober. “No one is ever better off without you. You hear?”

Nicole just licked her lips and nodded. Wynonna stared at her for another second before nodding in satisfaction and laying back down on the couch where Eliza immediately leaned over and kissed her. She looked away, not wanting to intrude on the moment before forcing herself to her feet.

“Where ‘re you going?” Eliza asked.

Nicole looked down just in time to see Wynonna’s hand slip under Eliza’s shirt. She rolled her eyes. “Away from you two.”

Her drunken brain finally found balance and she finally managed to make her way into the kitchen. She looked at the phone on the hook for a moment and without a second thought, picked it up and dialed Waverly’s number. 

The phone felt like it rang forever and Nicole almost hung up before Waverly’s voice came through the speaker.

“Hello?” Her voice was low, sleepy. If Nicole was more sober she would have felt awful for waking Waverly up.

“Hey, Waves,” Nicole drawled. She leaned back against the cabinets and letting herself slowly sink to the linoleum floor. 

“Is everything okay? It’s late,” Waverly said. Nicole closed her eyes and imagined her running her hand through her hair to tame her bed hair, neck looking long and enticing. “Baby?”

“Mm? Yeah, sorry,” Nicole said, thick tongue working extra hard with each word. “I jus’ missed you. And I wanted to say...sorry. For getting mad at you.”

“It’s okay, Nicole,” Waverly said quietly. “I get it. And I’m sorry too.”

Nicole shook her head, frowning when it felt like her head was still moving even after she had stopped. She cleared her throat and rested her elbow on her knees, fingers gripping at the roots of her hair as she tried to ground herself. “I ‘as bein’ selfish,” she whispered. “I’m so ‘appy that you’re doin’ this.”

“Really?” Waverly breathed. “I don’t want you to think I left you. I feel like I left you.”

“I’m sorry I made you feel that way,” Nicole said, too drunk to really feel the shame seeping through her pores. “You didn’t. I’m jus’ dramatic.”

Waverly chuckled. “I think we’re both prone to our dramatics, soldier,” she said affectionately. Nicole hummed and there was silence that settled between them. Nicole just listened to the gentle blow of Waverly’s breathing against the receiver and let it wash over her for a moment. Waverly broke the silence, voice small. “This will get easier. Right? It won’t always be this hard?”

Nicole thought about all her own feelings, how she felt so alone without Waverly to lean on. How her heart ached just to feel her. Waverly was all around her, in the sheets of their bed, in the photos she had hung on the walls...in the stash of Moon Pies she kept in a jar in the kitchen. Waverly was everywhere and it was a blessing and a curse. But Waverly didn’t have that familiarity to fall back on. She was in a new place with all new people. It was basically like she was starting a different life. Nicole felt a fresh wave of guilt for her own self pity, and swallowed thickly. 

“It’ll get easier, baby,” Nicole smiled. “It always gets easier.”

“Groovy,” Waverly said with a small chuckle. “I just miss you.”

“I miss you too. So much,” Nicole confessed. “But I’m so so proud of you.”

“That makes this worth it,” Waverly said. Nicole heard her yawn and looked at the kitchen clock, a black cat whose tail moved with the seconds hand, a gift from Wynonna because she thought it was funny. 

“I’ll let you go back to sleep,” Nicole said. “Sorry I woke you up.”

“I’m glad you did,” Waverly said. “I’m sorry I yelled before.”

“Me too,” Nicole said. “Now go to sleep.”

“Will you stay on the line with me until I fall asleep?” Waverly said shyly.

“Of course, my love,” Nicole smiled. “Good night.”

“Good night,” Waverly said softly. 

It only took a few moments for her breathing to even out and Nicole for a few more seconds until she heard the gentle snore that Waverly denied she had. Nicole smiled and let her eyes close as she listened to her for just a few more minutes. Finally, she whispered an “I love you” before hanging up the phone.

***

Nicole had felt a little lighter after her conversation with Waverly on Thanksgiving. But the melancholy kept creeping in. Maybe it was because everyone was beginning to decorate for Christmas and Nicole didn’t have the motivation to feel cheery or happy about the season.

Everyone seemed to be bundled with their significant other through the cold desert winter, staying inside and being all lovey dovey.

Nicole had gotten the Christmas lights out of their small attic, but the dusty boxes still remained untouched in the living room. Waverly’s favorite part of Christmas was decorating the tree together so she didn’t feel the need to get one yet. In reality it was only their second Christmas together and for some reason that made everything feel worse.

The only energy Nicole could muster lately was to get up and go to work before dragging herself back to the empty apartment. If she was feeling a little antsy, she would go downstairs to Shorty’s and have a beer, usually just sitting at the end of the counter and making shapes in the condensation on the glass with her finger. 

But the past couple of days she’d had off, she just holed herself up in her apartment and watched mindless television all day. Halfway through _Gunsmoke_ , there was a soft knock on her door and Nicole frowned as she untangled herself from the blanket she had wrapped herself in. She looked down at her boxers and undershirt with a grimace. The scars on her leg were twisted and angry looking today and she wondered if she should put on pants. Instead she just shrugged and tried to remain indifferent. It was probably just Wynonna or Eliza anyway.

She ran a quick hand through her hair and opened the door, blinking in shock when she saw Gus standing there with containers of what smelled like food.

“Oh, Gus,” Nicole said as she folded her arms over her chest self consciously. “Sorry I-...wasn’t expecting you.”

“More than okay, dear,” Gus said, eyes wandering over Nicole’s shoulder to the stacks of empty beer cans and Ding Dong wrappers littering the coffee table in front of the television. Nicole blushed and tried to subtly move so she couldn’t see the mess. Gus looked back at Nicole with a smile. “I brought you some food.”

“Oh-”

Gus didn’t wait for Nicole’s invitation, she stepped inside past her and set the food on the kitchen table, where she started unpacking it. It was container after container of fries and salad and sandwiches and what seemed like the entire contents of Shorty’s kitchen. Gus turned on the kitchen light and looked at Nicole as she shut the door. Her eyes squinted against the harsh light, and she grimaced for a moment. 

“How have you been, dear?” Gus asked, looking Nicole over and pinching her hip. “Have you only been eating those sugar bombs disguised as dessert?” Gus leaned forward and sniffed a little. “You smell like Wynonna after a bender.”

Nicole sighed in annoyance and shook her head. “I’m fine, Gus. Really.”

Gus frowned at her. “Waverly says you were having a moment.”

Nicole frowned again and looked away, the shame and annoyance twinging in her chest for a moment and blooming into anger. “Did Waverly...did she tell you to check on me?”

Gus scoffed but the way she looked away told Nicole everything she needed to know. Even if Nicole was having a “moment”. If she was upset...she didn’t need Waverly to have people check on her. Like she couldn’t take care of herself. 

“I’m fine,” Nicole said firmly. “I appreciate all the food but I don’t need a babysitter.”

“Girl, if you think that’s what this is, that’s something else entirely,” Gus said with a raised eyebrow. 

“I don’t need help-”

“You know, just because someone doesn’t need help, doesn’t mean they shouldn’t take it when it’s offered,” Gus said pointedly as she went back to unpacking the food. Nicole ran a hand through her hair again.

“You don’t have to-”

“I want to,” Gus said. She put her hands on her hips and looked at Nicole. “My one girl is too proud to accept help even though she needs it the most, and my other girl is gone,” she continued, voice cracking a little. “Let me do this for you. I still have one girl to take care of once in a while.”

Nicole swallowed thickly and just nodded, heart warming and breaking at the same time.

“Yes, ma’am,” she whispered.

“Don’t ‘ma’am me,” Gus said with a wink. “Now sit down and let me feed you.”

“Yes, ma’a-...Gus,” Nicole said as she pulled the chair out from the table and sat down.

***

Nicole pulled anxiously at the sleeve of her button up shirt. She had just gotten it from Sears, long sleeved with blue checks and a stiff collar she couldn’t keep from fiddling with. Sleep had eluded her the night before in anticipation of Waverly’s plane coming in this morning. She had been sent on her own, Wynonna being “busy” and Gus having to work Shorty’s. But Nicole wasn’t going to complain. It meant she got at least a car ride of uninterrupted time with Waverly.

She had a bouquet of overpriced, slightly crumpled flowers in her hand. That’s what happened when she got to the airport far too early and needed something to do to pass the time. On a whim she had bought the flowers and immediately hated her decision, dropping them into the nearest trash can before fishing them out again.

A few of the petals were missing but for the most part they seemed...fine.

The flight attendant came and opened the doors that led to the tunnel connecting the plane to the terminal, and excitement started in Nicole’s belly. Once people actually started walking out of the tunnel, she began to tap nervously on the side of the bouquet with her finger as she waiting for a head of familiar sandy hair to appear.

When Waverly stepped through the crowd and into the terminal, Nicole felt like her entire chest had collapsed on itself with joy.

She was looking around, probably for Nicole, wearing a white peasant top with detailed embroidery along the front, laces keeping the top half of the shirt together, a denim skirt and tights all ending in moccasins. She had her big, white furry coat draped over her arm and was rolling a small suitcase behind her.

She was even more radiant than when she left five months ago.

Nicole could only wave, watching as hazel eyes caught the movement and immediately brightened.

Waverly ran up to Nicole, smile wide and eyes half moons of joy as she launched herself into Nicole’s arms. The flowers got crushed between their bodies but it was the last thing on Nicole’s mind as she wrapped her arms around Waverly again. 

It felt like coming home.

Waverly’s frame was the most familiar thing to her arms, her scent invading her senses and making her dizzy. Nicole just breathed her in, feeling their bodies breaths synch together once more as they stood there holding each other.

“Nicole,” Waverly whispered, turning her head into Nicole’s neck and nuzzling her there. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Nicole mumbled into Waverly’s shoulder. “So so much.”

The emotions welled up in Nicole, sticking in her throat and making it ache as she hugged Waverly tighter. She could feel hot tears gathering in the corners of her eyes and tried to will them away but felt them soak into Waverly’s shirt instead. 

She felt Waverly’s hand find her jaw, tipping her head to the side so she could kiss her properly, public be damned. The first touch of their lips was like slipping into a warm bath after a long day. It felt like the tension that was living in her body slowly left, her body melting into Waverly’s as she reeled in the feeling of her being there.

Waverly pulled back just enough for Nicole to see the tears pooling in her eyes, smile still in place on her face. “Hey,” Waverly said through a watery smile.

“Hey,” Nicole chuckled despite her tears. “You’re here.”

“I’m here,” Waverly said, brushing Nicole’s tears from her cheeks. “Now take me home, soldier.”

***

On the drive home, Waverly made sure she was pressed up against Nicole’s side, her hand on the inside of Waverly’s knee and tracing idle patterns as her girlfriend talked. The music played softly over the radio and Nicole couldn’t help but tap to the beat on the steering wheel with her fingers.

_Tell it like it is. Don't be ashamed to let your conscience be your guide-_

“So, anyways, I was really glad when I got the job at the library because it means I can take all the school breaks off without a problem,” Waverly said, turning her head to kiss Nicole’s shoulder and looking up at her through her lashes. “Which is obviously very important to me.”

Nicole hummed and looked away from the road briefly just to smile down at Waverly.

She couldn’t believe she was actually here with her. It felt like a lifetime ago that she had left Waverly in an airport in Boston. Now she was here pressed against her. Nicole squeezed Waverly’s knee a little just to make sure she was real. She looked back at the road and Waverly gently brushed red hair over the shell of her ear, fingers tracing the edge lightly.

_But I know deep down inside of me. I believe you love me, forget your foolish pride-_

“How’s work been?” Waverly asked. Her voice turned sour at the last half of the sentence. “Now that Champ is gone.”

“It’s been fine. It’s been work,” Nicole sighed. Lately she’d been finding it hard to keep the enthusiasm she previously had for the work. It was her dream job and she wouldn’t trade it for anything...but she’d been feeling exhausted lately and was only thinking of when she’d get to go back home. It seemed Nedley noticed the shift because she was doing less work with civilians and staying at her desk lately. 

“Maybe you should talk to Nedley about giving you more responsibility,” Waverly suggested as she continued to trace the line of Nicole’s jaw like she was just remembering what she felt like.

Nicole snorted and shook her head. “I doubt he’ll give me more responsibility any time soon.”

Waverly shrugged. “You never know. I think you deserve it.”

“Well you’re sweet,” Nicole mumbled.

_Life is too short to have sorrow. You may be here today and gone tomorrow-_

Waverly lifted herself up just enough to plant a kiss below Nicole’s ear. “No. I just know how groovy you really are. Even if Nedley can’t see it yet.”

“I’ll write ‘groovy’ on the top of my resume, how about that?” Nicole asked, quirking her eyebrow with a smirk. “I might need a letter or recommendation.” 

“I might be able to help you with that,” Waverly said, pulling Nicole’s arm tighter to her chest. She slipped her arm around Nicole’s waist and got impossibly close. Waverly’s hand slid under Nicole’s shirt and grazed her stomach, making her jump in surprise.

_You might as well get what you want. So go on and live, baby, go on and live. Tell it like it is._

“I missed you,” Waverly whispered, voice deep as her fingers traced the edge of her pants. Nicole licked her lips and let out a shaky breath as she covered Waverly’s hand with her own. 

“Wynonna is coming over,” Nicole said, squeezing Waverly’s hand. “She’ll probably be there when we get to the apartment.”

Waverly groaned but slid her hand around to Nicole’s hip instead and squeezed. “Fine, but when she leaves, you’re all mine.”

Nicole chuckled, unwelcome nerves lighting in her stomach. Why did the prospect of being… _with_... Waverly suddenly terrify her? She had thought about it since she’d been gone, obviously. But not lately she supposed. She hadn’t thought much of it but those...thoughts had seemed to fade for no discernable reason.

They pulled up to their apartment and Wynonna’s bike was already sitting in front. Nicole gave Waverly another kiss on the top of the head before getting out of the car. She opened the back door and got her suitcase out. Waverly came around the other side of the car and took Nicole’s hand for the short walk up the stairs to the apartment door. 

Nicole scoffed when she saw a bobby pin jammed into the lock, the door slightly ajar. She pushed it open to see Wynonna spread out on the couch, feet up on the coffee table.

“Wynonna, you really had to break in? You have a key!” Nicole said as she sat Waverly’s suitcase against the wall.

Wynonna lifted her head to look at them. “It’s more fun this way,” she said, before swinging her legs down from the table and standing up. Waverly bounced over to her and the sisters wrapped together in a tight embrace. “Hey, baby girl,” Wynonna said, voice muffled by Waverly’s hair. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Waverly said. Wynonna held Waverly at arms length and looked her up and down. “No new scars? No tattoos?”

Waverly rolled her eyes. “Not at all.”

Wynonna dropped her hands from Waverly’s arms and nodded towards Nicole who was getting a glass of water from the kitchen. “Haught here was lost without you,” Wynonna whispered, not bothering trying to stay quiet. “Speaking of,” she turned towards Nicole. “Get me a beer, will ya, toots?”

Nicole sighed but still reached in and got Wynonna a beer, popping the lid off with the bottle opener and walking it over to her. Wynonna winked at her as she took it and grabbed Waverly’s hand to sit her down on the couch. Waverly reached for Nicole and pulled her down next to her as they all arranged themselves.

Nicole sat on the couch normally while Waverly sat length-wise and tucked herself under Nicole’s arm, Wynonna crossing her legs under her and leaning against the arm to look at them. Nicole turned a little so that Waverly could lean against her chest as she played with her fingers.

“Alright, baby girl,” Wynonna said, wiggling her eyebrows. “Tell me everything. But skip the boring school stuff.”

***

Nicole lay on the bed, buttoned shirt now wrinkled and only in her boxers and socks. Wynonna had left not that long ago and the exhaustion from the day had finally settled into Nicole’s bones. She kicked her pants off and crawled into the bed as Waverly shooed Calamity Jane from the room and closed the door. 

“Baby, I have a request for while I’m home,” Waverly said, as she dug into her suitcase.

“What’s that?” Nicole asked as she turned her head to look at her. She watched Waverly root through her suitcase for a moment, admiring how her legs looked as they disappeared into her sleep shorts, before triumphantly pulling out Nicole’s green army jacket. She held it to her chest for a moment as she looked over at Nicole.

“Can you wear this so it smells like you again?” Waverly asked shyly as she walked over to the bed. 

Nicole smiled and reached for the jacket. “Sure.”

“Not now,” Waverly said, hanging it on the post of the bed. Nicole reached for her but Waverly danced out of reach and went over to the record player instead. The empty static hissed warmly when she switched it on until Waverly put a record on. The music started softly and Waverly turned to walk back to the bed. The mattress dipped as she climbed onto it by her knees until they were bracketed on either side of Nicole’s hips. Nicole’s hands rested on Waverly’s thighs, thumbs brushing over the soft skin. 

“I’ll wear it tomorrow then,” Nicole said, stomach jolting with nerves as Waverly’s hands found the buttons of her shirt.

Waverly smiled devilishly, “Right now the less clothing the better.”

_I'm so tired of being alone, I'm so tired of on my own. Won't you help me, girl, just as soon as you can-_

Nicole’s licked her lips as Waverly slowly unbuttoned her shirt, fingers brushing across her skin as she did. She squeezed Waverly’s thighs as she felt her heart speed up with nerves. Her brain was screaming to stop for some reason she couldn’t decipher yet. Maybe it was because she hadn’t seen Waverly in months and suddenly had performance anxiety. Maybe it was because she was worried about disappointing her after months of waiting.

Either way, Nicole’s hands squeezed Waverly’s hips just as her head dipped down to kiss between Nicole’s breasts. 

“Baby,” Nicole said, as Waverly placed soft kisses along her sternum to below her breasts. “Baby,” Nicole repeated, cupping Waverly’s cheek and guiding her head up towards hers. 

“What is it, Nicky?” Waverly whispered as she settled against Nicole. 

_But if you want me to love you. Then, baby, I will, girl, you know I will-_

Nicole kissed Waverly lightly. “I don’t know I just...missed you,” Nicole said with a small smile. “And I’m...weirdly nervous.”

Waverly’s expression softened and she bracketed her elbows on either side of Nicole’s head, her hair falling around them like a curtain. Just the tips of their noses barely touched and Nicole almost went cross eyed trying to look at Waverly. 

“You always act like you’re so tough, but you’re just a softie,” Waverly whispered conspiritally, a slow smile spreading over her face. 

Nicole rolled her eyes. “I’m not.”

_People say that I've found a way, to make you say, that you love me-_

“You are,” Waverly teased with a feather light kiss. Nicole tried to hold back her smile by clamping her lips between her teeth.

“Am not,” Nicole said. “I went to war.”

“You did, soldier, doesn’t mean you’re not the sweetest thing on two legs,” Waverly said, as she kissed along Nicole’s jaw. Nicole hummed and ran her hands up Waverly’s back, fingers digging into the lean muscle.

“I think you’re confusing that with yourself, darlin’,” Nicole whispered, her body relaxing into the mattress as Waverly’s lips left goosebumps along her skin. Feather light kisses along her neck and down her collarbone.

_I guess you know that I, uh, I love you so. Even though, you don't want me no more-_

Waverly kissed the hollow of Nicole’s throat before whispering, “Do you want me to stop?”

Nicole’s fingers fidgeted under Waverly’s top, body tense but thrumming with the beginnings of arousal. “Not yet,” Nicole managed. “But I don’t know if…”

“Just tell me when you want me to stop,” Waverly said, eyes looking at her with concern. Nicole just licked her lips and nodded as Waverly’s head dipped back down towards her neck. It felt like sparks were shooting through her body, veins alight with energy as she tried to shut her brain off and just focus on the sensations Waverly was pulling from her body. She felt fingers slowly pull open her shirt. A gust of cold air hit her sensitive skin and with that and Waverly’s fingers tracing the outline of her breast she felt her nipples tighten.

Waverly’s lips continued down the middle of her chest, brushing against the underside of her breasts until she found the raised scars on Nicole’s side. Still raised and pink along the edges, they definitely were better than they were a year ago. Nicole wondered if they’d ever fade into her skin, just barely there bumps and ridges twisting along her side. 

_I'm tired of being all wrapped up late at night, in my dreams, nobody but you, baby-_

Waverly’s lips against them always made her more aware of them in a way that sometimes made her squirm, but most of the time it gave her peace with them. She raked her fingers through Waverly’s hair, feeling the way it curled between her fingers. 

It still didn’t feel real to have Waverly here. It felt like another one of Nicole’s elaborate dreams where she would wake up and be alone again. But with Waverly’s weight on her, the unmistakable feeling of the heat between her thighs pressed up against Nicole’s hips, she was acutely aware of Waverly’s presence. 

Nicole wanted to hold her, touch her, do all the things to her she’d been dreaming about for months. The things she missed and craved. 

She pushed Waverly’s shirt over her head and it fell to the floor quietly, leaving Waverly just in her underwear. Nicole couldn’t help but cup her breasts as Waverly’s lips returned to her own. She sighed into her mouth, hips subtly pressing into Nicole’s stomach as she pinched her nipples between her thumb and forefinger. 

Waverly let out a strangled moan before pulling away from Nicole’s lips. “Is this okay?” Waverly whispered, swallowing thickly. Nicole pinched her nipples again just to watch her eyes flutter closed with pleasure.

Nicole nodded. “I wanna make you feel good, baby.”

Waverly rutted her hips down into Nicole, the crotch of her underwear absolutely soaked through. Nicole moaned at the feeling, constantly surprised she could do that to Waverly. Her tongue stroking against Nicole’s jump-started her into action, and she slid both of her hands into the back of Waverly’s underwear.

_Oh baby, yeah, needing you has proven to me, to be my greatest dream, yeah-_

She squeezed her ass and pushed down her underwear as far as she could. Waverly stood up from the bed just long enough to pull them off completely before she was back to straddling Nicole. 

Nicole’s thumbs brushed over the hollow of Waverly’s hips as her eyes stared at the curls between her thighs and moved over her hips, the flat plane of her stomach, her ribs and her breasts before finally landing on Waverly’s flushed chest and face. She had a knowing smirk on her face as she raked her fingers through her own hair, long brown locks moving away from her face. 

“Come’re,” Nicole whispered, pulling Waverly’s hips up towards her face hoping she got the hint. The hitch in Waverly’s breathing told Nicole she understood completely. She leaned down and kissed Nicole deeply, teeth pulling at her bottom lip before complying with Nicole’s request. 

She shimmied her body up until her knees were on either side of Nicole’s head. Nicole licked her lips at the sight of Waverly spread before her, pink and slick and-

“God, I missed you,” Nicole breathed before licking a broad stripe up Waverly’s sex. Her hips jerked forward and Nicole felt her grab a fistful of her hair, blunt nails scratching at her scalp. Nicole couldn’t help but smile as her tongue lapped at Waverly’s arousal, her taste flooding her mouth as she moaned. 

Her hands gripped the thighs bracketing her face, feeling them quiver over her. Waverly was already close, she could tell. Especially if the breathy moans and subtle movement of her hips were any indication. Nicole slipped her tongue into her entrance as she bumped her clit with her nose, Waverly’s hips began to grind to a rhythm just as Nicole circled her clit with her tongue, fingers gripping her thighs when Waverly’s hand tightened in her hair. 

Waverly tipped her head back in a moan just as Nicole sucked her clit into her mouth. 

“So close,” Waverly whispered. Nicole watched in rapt fascination, eyes glued to Waverly’s face as her tongue flicked over her clit. Waverly moved her hips with reckless abandon and Nicole just breathed harshly through her nose as her tongue continued to work.

When Waverly’s fingers in her hair started to become painful and her loud moans basically turned into sharp little screams that hit Nicole right between her thighs, her hips started to roll wildly. Nicole held on by her thighs and circled her clit with her tongue in tight circles as she sucked it into her mouth. With one last breathy moan, Waverly’s body stiffened above Nicole’s head. She was white knuckling the headboard, chin to her chest as she looked right into Nicole’s eyes as she came.

_Sometimes late at night I get to wonderin' about you baby. Baby, baby, ya ya, baby you're my heart's desire-_

“Wow,” Waverly sighed as her body went boneless. Nicole managed to place another soft kiss on her quivering sex before Waverly slid herself down Nicole’s torso. Waverly’s head landed in the crook of Nicole’s neck, her hair covering Nicole’s face and tickling her nose. Nicole blew some of Waverly’s hair from her face only to have more cover her.

Nicole chuckled and raked her fingers through Waverly’s hair to get it away from her face. Waverly hummed and pushed herself up on her elbows as her lips dragged down the column of Nicole’s neck and to her breastbone, placing a small kiss there. She left a small trail of kisses up her throat, under her jaw and to her chin before kissing Nicole softly.

Waverly’s tongue came out to taste the arousal on Nicole’s lips and she hummed.

“Wow,” Waverly repeated against Nicole’s lips. “I missed that.”

“I missed that too,” Nicole said as her hands smoothed up Waverly’s naked back. 

Waverly’s hand came up to and her fingers traced Nicole’s eyebrows lightly. “I missed your eyes,” she said as brown eyes connected with hazel. Her fingers continued their path and came to tap the end of Nicole’s nose. “And your nose.” Their lips still brushing together, Waverly’s finger traced her bottom lip lightly. “And your lips and your mouth.” Waverly kissed her again, tongue caressing Nicole’s lightly before she barely pulled away with a small smile. Her finger tapped Nicole’s chin and continued down her throat and between her breasts. “I missed everything about you.”

Nicole looked up at Waverly, the moonlight streaming through the window and lighting up the light strands of her hair. Her cheeks were still flushed and her eyes soft, pupils blown. She was more beautiful than Nicole even remembered. Was that even possible?

“I missed everything about you too,” Nicole whispered, sure she had the most blissed out look on her face possible. “Every little thing.”

Waverly pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and smiled with a girlishness that made Nicole’s heart flutter. 

“I’m so happy to be back with you,” Waverly said, leaning down and kissing Nicole again. Nicole gathered Waverly in her arms as her heart ached at the thought of having to let her go again.

***

The first few days that Waverly was back, Nicole was finally able to sleep through the night. She thought she was finally cured. Waverly was obviously what she needed to get through a night without tossing and turning or waking up in a cold sweat.

Except when that changed. 

Nicole jerked from her sleep, sitting up in the bed and looking around the dark room as she panted. Her hands curled into the soaked sheets under her as she tried to get her racing heart under control. 

She could still smell the blood. Feel the heavy heat of the jungle weighing on her. 

She had been dreaming of Eliza getting shot right in front of her. Falling to the ground in her own blood. All she could see was the blood.

“Nicole.”

Jerking her head to the side, Nicole saw Waverly looking up at her. She had propped herself up on her elbow and was looking at Nicole with concern.

“Nicole, baby, are you okay?” she asked, voice cracking with sleep.

“I’m fine,” Nicole lied, pulling her knees to her chest and cradling her head in her hands. “I’m fine.”

“You’ve been tossing and turning for an hour,” Waverly said, gently reaching out and putting her hand on Nicole’s knee. The action shocked her and she jerked away. Waverly pulled her hand back. “Sorry.”

Nicole felt the guilt building and dug her nails into her scalp. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, we’ve talked about this before,” Waverly reminded as she scooted a little closer. “Don’t apologize for any of this. Okay?”

Nicole nodded and loosened her grip around her legs and tried to stretch them out, her knee protesting a little and making her cringe. Waverly scooted over closer to the edge of the bed and patted the space next to her. 

“Sleep here where it’s dry,” she said.

Nicole slowly laid down, body stiff, her eyes staring up at the ceiling. Waverly was pressed tightly against her, but she didn’t feel restricted. Her heart was still racing and she swallowed thickly, trying to keep the sick feeling from her throat.

“Can I touch you?” Waverly asked softly. 

Nicole thought for a moment and nodded, only jumping a little when Waverly slipped her hand up her shirt front to settle between her breasts.

“Breathe, baby,” Waverly whispered soothingly. She began to rub slow circles on Nicole’s chest, and she tried to breathe in and out to the rhythm. Waverly began to hum and Nicole let her eyes close as she tried to focus. The hums turned to quiet singing, mostly breaths, her voice cracking a little with sleep.

_”Stars shining bright above you. Night breezes seem to whisper I love you. Birds singing in the sycamore tree. Dream a little dream of me,”_ she started. Nicole tried to focus on her voice and how her breath softly played over her cheek. _“Say night-ie night and kiss me. Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me. While I'm alone and blue as can be, dream a little dream of me.”_

Nicole couldn’t help but be soothed by her voice, the images of Eliza dead on the ground, brains spilled on the floor, slowly fading. The singing washed over her, heartrate slowly returning back to normal and her breathing evening out. As Nicole drifted to sleep, all she could hear and feel and see behind her eyelids was Waverly.

_”Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you. Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you.  
But in your dreams whatever they be, dream a little dream of me.” _

***

“Haught, sneak me that flask I know you have under that ridiculous outfit,” Wynonna hissed as she rattled her own empty flask over her cup of hot chocolate.

Nicole shot Wynonna a look, and the little kid who was clinging to the pants of her elf outfit looked up at her with big confused eyes. She smiled down at him and handed him a candy cane from the bundle in her hand, his face lighting up as he skipped away to find his mother. She looked back at Wynonna.

“I don’t have a flask on me,” Nicole said pointedly. “I’m working.”

“Yeah, on _Christmas_ ,” Wynonna snorted as she looked sadly into her unspiked hot chocolate. “What kinda psycho works on Christmas?”

“The kind of psycho who plans their city’s Christmas community outreach program,” Nicole said flatly. 

Nedley had let Nicole take the reins on the Sheriff Department’s annual toy drive for Christmas, and she had been taken it very seriously. She was determined to make some improvements from years past, mainly because Lonnie had been in charge before and a batch of half decorated sugar cookies and a pile of presents wasn’t exactly festive.

So Nicole had booked a room at the local community center and with Waverly’s help, decorated it to the nines. She even found a ridiculous plush red chair for Nedley to sit in in his Santa outfit. and took a giant box and painted it to look like a wrapped gift as a bin to put the toys in. 

Waverly and Nicole had spent the night before tying little “Sheriff Department” tags onto hundreds of candy canes to hand out. Wynonna came over to help and managed to tie at least a dozen tags before getting bored and insisting on Christmas Eve drinks instead.

Nicole wasn’t a huge fan of the ill fitting elf costume, but Waverly had made her...appreciation known that morning before Nicole left so she was feeling a little better about it now. That and Waverly had surprised her by showing up in her own version of an elf costume that involved a cute skirt and top, finished off with a festive green pointy hat. Nicole would suffer through her own outfit if she got to stare at Waverly in that.

Her eyes naturally wandered over to Waverly, holding the hand of a little girl who had her thumb in her mouth while Waverly pointed out the different ornaments on the tree. Something about it made Nicole’s heart ache in her chest, warmth filling it.

“Hey, you know what I want for Christmas?” Wynonna smirked from where she still stood next to Nicole. 

“What’s that?” Nicole said, finally pulling her eyes away from Waverly to look at Wynonna.

“For you to stop being so obvious about perving on my sister,” Wynonna finished. “This is a family event.”

Nicole rolled her eyes and handed Wynonna a candy cane. “I’m not perving. Just appreciating.”

She looked back over to catch Waverly looking back at her, offering Nicole a small wink before going back to talking to the kids that had gathered around her. Nicole couldn’t help but smile as she watched Waverly, how animated her face could be when she was telling a story.

“You gonna put a baby in my sister?” 

Nicole practically growled as her head whipped around to face Wynonna. “You are insufferable.”

“My gift to you this holiday season,” Wynonna winked, as she unwrapped the candy cane and stuck it into her mouth. It rolled around the side of her mouth like a cigarette and Nicole raised an eyebrow at her.

“I’ll see you at Gus’ later,” Nicole said pointedly.

“Is this you kicking me out of this fine community event?”

“Yes.”

“Fine. There’s no booze here anyways,” Wynonna said, flipping a casual peace sign in the air and turning on her heel to walk out of the building. 

Nicole looked back at Waverly who was now helping Nedley pass out gifts. She had never considered children of her own. Not really. It just never seemed like something that could even be possible for her, so she never let herself think about it. But now as she watched Waverly with the kids...she wondered. Now was not the time. It was far from the time. Even if the idea of a mini Waverly running around and breaking her heart with big hazel eyes that matched her mother’s made Nicole smile just a little too wide.

Not now, but someday-- maybe.

***

They changed out of their elf outfits and headed to Gus’, where she’d made an elaborate Christmas dinner. Afterwards they drank eggnog and exchanged presents. Waverly drove home while Nicole tried to keep from dozing in the passenger seat. 

It was when they were in bed and Nicole was ready to doze off that Waverly decided to try and wake her with soft kisses all over her face. Nicole was on her back, Waverly laid out next to her with her head propped up on her hand and elbow.

“Baby,” Waverly whispered, hand splayed on Nicole’s belly and shaking her gently. “Baby, I have another Christmas present for you.”

Nicole felt a little more awake, a familiar stirring in her belly as she hummed in interest. Waverly smirked and kissed her again.

“Not like that,” Waverly said, as she slid her hand up Nicole’s sleep shirt. “Unless...you want. But, should I get it?”

“Sure, Waves,” Nicole said. Before she could even finish her sentence, Waverly was bouncing off the bed and to her side of the closet. Nicole sat up, raking her fingers through her short locks as she folded her legs under her. She watched Waverly reach into the back before pulling out something approximately the size of a shoe box.

The tint on her cheeks was apparent as she held it in front of her and walked back to the bed. She knelt on the bed and set the box between them. Her hand rested over the top and she smiled nervously.

“Should I be worried?” Nicole teased, eyebrow raised.

“No,” Waverly said simply. She shrugged. “I’m just a little-...well. Let me explain.” Waverly took a small breath before launching into what seemed like a rehearsed speech. “So at our women’s group we had a woman come in and talk about sex and...sex toys.”

Nicole felt herself blush, corner of her lip quirking up in a nervous smile. “O...kay.”

Waverly tucked some hair behind her ear and Nicole covered the hand on the box with her own. Waverly smiled and continued.

“She brought some things with her, some new things, that I thought...maybe you’d want to try?” Waverly asked, biting her bottom lip in what seemed like a mixture of excitement and nerves. Waverly pulled her hand away from Nicole’s just to clutch the edge of the box lid. Nicole nodded, stomach nervous, as Waverly opened the lid. 

Nestled in tissue paper was a phallic shaped dildo, a dark purple color with a base that seemed to curve into another bulbous end. Nicole swallowed thickly. “Oh.”

“Do you hate the idea?” Waverly asked softly.

“No!...No. I just um…” Nicole pointed at the curved end. “Does that go...in me?”

Waverly nodded and some of her excitement started to show through. She picked up the dildo and dug under the tissue paper before pulling out what looked like a jumble of leather straps. “This goes around your hips and legs to keep it in place and that part goes in you. If you want. But it’s so both partners get...stimulation.”

“Oh.”

“I understand it can seem a bit...intimidating,” Waverly said, looking at it in her hand and shaking it a little so that it flopped. Nicole couldn’t help but snort in laughter a little bit just at the sheer oddness of the conversation. Waverly’s eyebrows shot up into her hairline and she put the dildo back in the box, setting the harness on top of it. She reached for Nicole’s hand and pulled it over the box into her lap. “Do you have any um...questions?”

Nicole tilted her head and let her insecurities sneak into her mind for a moment. She knew Waverly was happy just being with her, something that wasn’t true when they first met. She also knew that Waverly had been with men before she landed on Nicole. There had always been that nagging bit in the back of her mind that told her maybe...just maybe, Waverly wasn’t completely satisfied. Sexually. Obviously she didn’t have the same equipment as men and since she realized she was gay, an unhealthy amount of time had been spent fixating on whether she could satisfy a woman the same way a man could. And now...Waverly was asking her to wear a dick. 

She shifted a little, frowning down at it. Nicole couldn’t lie and say she wasn’t intrigued. That she hadn’t wondered how it would feel to have Waverly like that. 

All the questions stuck in her throat but Waverly turned her palm over and began to massage. Nicole felt some tension leave her body as she looked back up at her.

“Is this...are you...missing something? When you’re with me?” Nicole finally asked.

Waverly blinked at her for a moment before realization washed over her face. “Oh, sweetie, no,” she said, leaning forward a little. “This is nothing about me _missing_ a penis or wishing you had one in any way. I got the least realistic looking one to avoid that idea. It’s just...something different for us to try. But if you don’t want to, I understa-”

“No, that’s not it,” Nicole said, licking her lips as her eyes naturally landed back on the dildo. She could feel a warmth starting in her belly just thinking of Waverly under her...writhing on it as she took her. Nicole cleared her throat, ears hot. When she looked back at Waverly, she had a knowing smile on her face.

“We don’t have to try it now,” Waverly said softly. She winked at Nicole and put the lid back on the box, pushing it towards Nicole. “Keep it somewhere and feel free to look at it...whenever. Or try it on when you’re alone...just let me know if you ever want to use it. And if you don’t...we don’t.”

Waverly shrugged and Nicole smiled gratefully, pulling the box into her lap and drumming her fingers on the top. 

“Okay,” Nicole said with a nod. Waverly leaned forward, cupping Nicole’s jaw and kissing her softly. 

“Now, let’s go to bed,” Waverly said, emphasizing each word with a kiss until Nicole was smiling. “I’m tired and I know you are too. You had a long day.”

Nicole hummed. When Waverly pulled away to turn off the lamp by her side of the bed, Nicole took the box and slid it under her side of the bed. When she pulled herself back onto the bed, Waverly was already curling into her side, hand up Nicole’s shirt to rest on her ribs like she always did.

Waverly leaned over and kissed the corner of Nicole’s cheek. “Night, soldier,” she said before drifting off. 

***

Waverly had gone to the market with Gus and well…

Nicole was _curious._

It had taken a few minutes to figure out all the straps of the harness but when she did...she didn’t hate it. 

It was awkward standing in front of the mirror in just a t-shirt and the dildo jutting out between her legs. Nicole lifted the hem of her shirt to get the full effect of it and tilted her head. Definitely not the worst thing she’d ever seen. But would Waverly like it?

She turned to the side and thrust shallowly, watching it bob a little from where it was strapped into the harness. It stuck out a good six or seven inches from her body and she didn’t put the bulbous part in herself. It just pressed against her currently and again...she didn’t hate it.

Nicole didn’t particularly feel like a man wearing it, she didn’t think she ever could. But she felt...strong. Like she wanted to push Waverly up against the door as soon as she got home and just have her way with her. She blushed at the thought and turned back to face the mirror. 

Yeah. She didn’t hate it. And hopefully Waverly wouldn’t either.

***

For the next few days, the dildo stayed unmentioned under the bed. Nicole would think to bring it up and then chicken out and try to prove to herself and Waverly that she could get her off without it. With flying colors she might add. 

Nonetheless, Nicole was relieved when one night, Waverly put her hand on Nicole’s chest and pushed her away lightly.

“Baby,” she asked, lips swollen from their kisses and cheeks flushed. They were on their sides, Waverly’s legs tangled with Nicole’s and her thigh pressed between her legs. The lamp was still on in the bedroom and backlit Waverly beautifully.

“Yes, Waves?” Nicole asked, ducking her head to kiss Waverly again until she pressed against her chest again.

“Have you thought about using the-...Christmas gift?” Waverly asked, cheeks blushing prettily and pupils blown. “Its okay if not-”

“I want to,” Nicole interrupted maybe...a little too eagerly. “I...yes. Let’s use it. Tonight.”

“Really?” Waverly asked, eyes searching Nicole’s face.

Nicole smiled and nodded, kissing Waverly one last time before rolling over to her side of the bed and pulling the box out. Waverly reached for it, fingers brushing over the top of the box. She looked up at Nicole through her lashes.

“Can I help you put it on?” she asked, eyes wide in a way that just made Nicole burn. She could only nod dumbly as Waverly pulled her by the hand off the bed. Her arousal was already pounding between her thighs, slick running down them and making her boxers stick to her uncomfortably. Waverly pulled her top over her head, shimmying out of her underwear with a smirk. Nicole followed, quickly pulling her shirt over her head and looking back at Waverly. She playfully threw them at Nicole’s face, and she grabbed them with a snicker.

As she let them fall from the ground, Waverly was in her arms again, the warmth of her body pressing against Nicole’s naked torso. She would forever be amazed how they fit so perfectly together, even as she ran her hands up Waverly’s back and pulled her tight against her body. 

Their lips slid together as they kissed, the heat slowly building even hotter between them. Waverly pushed her hands under the waistband of Nicole’s boxers, blunt nails scraping down the sensitive flesh and making Nicole shiver. Waverly giggled as she squeezed Nicole’s ass before pushing her boxers all the way down.

Nicole ducked her head and pulled Waverly’s nipple into her mouth, tongue rolling over the soft flesh and feeling it stiffen under her touch. Waverly sighed in pleasure as Nicole switched to the other breast. She released it with a pop, breathing lightly on it just to feel Waverly arch against her. Waverly’s fingers dug into the deep strands of Nicole’s hair and tugged her mouth away and up to her lips. Waverly kissed her greedily and Nicole started to step back towards the bed, Waverly completely against her. When the back of her knees hit the bed, Waverly stopped her.

“Hold on, soldier,” Waverly whispered between kisses. She pulled away and reached behind Nicole for the box, dragging it towards her. She pulled the harness out first, taking a moment to shake it out so that it was all situated properly. One last wink up at Nicole and a peck on the lips, Waverly pressed kisses across Nicole’s chest as she ducked down and helped Nicole step into the harness. Nicole held onto Waverly’s shoulder for support and chuckled a little when she teetered. 

After it was up and over her legs, Waverly tugged on a few straps so that the leather tightened comfortable over her skin.

“That okay, Nicky?” Waverly asked as her fingers brushed over the scars on Nicole’s thigh. Nicole just nodded and leaned in to kiss Waverly again. Waverly cupped Nicole’s sex, and her hips pressed into the heel of her hand. She groaned as Waverly’s fingers parted and probed, dipping into her.

Waverly’s hand gripped Nicole’s hip and gently pushed her back down on the bed. She straddled one of her thighs, other hand slowly circling Nicole’s clit with skilled fingers as they kissed. Nicole sighed into Waverly’s mouth, the pressure between her thighs becoming almost unbearable and Waverly’s teasing touches only making it worse. 

When Waverly’s hand moved from between her thighs, Nicole groaned, hips chasing. Waverly hummed. “Patience. Do you want the other side of the dildo in you?”

Nicole swallowed thickly before nodding. Waverly smiled and reached for the box, lifting the dick from its box and pulling out a small bottle of lube. Waverly squirted some lube into her hand, and the excitement mixed with nerves and tingled in Nicole’s veins. She didn’t expect to feel a new wave of arousal just from watching Waverly slather the bulbed end of the cock with lube, but had to keep from clenching her thighs together as she did.

“Relax, baby,” Waverly said as she leaned back over Nicole and kissed her softly. “Tell me if you want me to go slower or anything.”

“Okay,” Nicole said, as she settled back down on the bed. Waverly disappeared from her view for a moment as she stared up at the ceiling. She felt Waverly moving the harness and slipping the dildo through the ring on the front. The wet end slipped past her swollen clit and her hips jerked as she held back a strangled moan.

Waverly was back hovering over her, fingers circling her entrance. She smiled down at Nicole reassuringly and ducked to kiss her pulse point. Waverly gripped the dildo and pressed it to Nicole’s entrance. The pressure felt nice but she felt her body stiffening just from the sheer nerves of it all. 

“It’s okay, baby,” Waverly assured her as she nibbled at her pulse point. “Relax.”

Nicole licked her lips and consciously made herself relax, her legs falling open a little wider. The initial stretch was a little uncomfortable, the pressure a little much but not painful. There was a small pinch of pain as the thickest part slipped in, but it soon dissolved into pleasure as the curved end pressed into her front wall.

“Oh,” Nicole said, a little shocked. Waverly cupped her sex, pressing the heel further into her and Nicole moaned. “Oh, fuck.”

“Does that feel good, Nic?” Waverly whispered, as she pulled back to look Nicole in the eye. Nicole nodded and Waverly looked down to where the cock jutted proudly from between her legs. Nicole’s eyes followed, watching as Waverly gripped the base and gave it an experimental tug.

Nicole’s head dropped back between her shoulders as the sensations exploded through her body, eyes fluttering closed. When she opened her eyes back up, Waverly was looking at her with blown pupils and skin even more flushed than before. Nicole looked to where Waverly was jerking off her dick with lazy strokes and groaned. 

“Sit up, baby, I wanna try something,” Waverly said, pecking Nicole on the lips once more before standing up from the bed. Nicole pushed herself into the sitting position, feet flat on the floor with Waverly standing between her spread legs. “Remember,” Waverly said as she cupped Nicole’s jaw and brushed the tip of her nose along the bridge of Nicole’s. “If you ever get uncomfortable or want to stop. Just tell me.”

“Right back at you, Waves,” Nicole said with a smirk, some of her confidence returned with just how utterly turned on Waverly looked. Waverly smiled and kissed Nicole again before trailing kisses down her neck and torso. Nicole frowned for a second as Waverly sank to her knees before it hit her. 

_Oh._

She looked down just in time to watch Waverly look up at her just as she took the tip into her mouth. Nicole didn’t realize how unbelievable sexy the whole thing would be. Waverly on her knees with what was essentially her dick in her mouth made Nicole’s bones ache with arousal. 

Nicole swallowed thickly around her tongue, throat long with her head tipped back and shaky fingers raking through the curly mess in her lap. She looked down, a groan escaping her lips as she watched Waverly’s head bob on her dick. The most pleased little sounds coming from the back of Waverly’s throat and the wet sound of her lips stretched around the silicone were almost enough to make Nicole come right then.

Waverly’s cheeks hollowed out as she sucked on the dick and Nicole whimpered, her free hand tightening in the sheets under her. The base of the dildo pressed deliciously into Nicole’s swollen clit and the heel that was slid into her moved wonderfully against her walls, especially with Waverly using her hand to twist around the length that wasn’t in her mouth as she bobbed.

The tightening low in Nicole’s belly was getting almost unbearable.

“Baby,” Nicole breathed.

Hazel eyes darted up to her, making eye contact but she never stopped her movements. Nicole saw her lips stretch in a smile around the dildo, and Nicole was sure if she wasn’t already in love with Waverly Earp, she would have been in that moment.

“You’re so-...” her voice trailed off in a moan, hand tightening in Waverly’s hair as the knot in her stomach got tighter. A hot wire twisting and pulling every pleasurable nerve in her body as her toes curled and back arched, hips pushing subtly towards Waverly’s face. It took every ounce of self control not to move her hips with Waverly’s movements for risk of choking her.

“Baby, I’m so close,” Nicole panted. Waverly doubled her efforts, the wet slurping sounds coming from her mouth bordering on obscene and _fuck_ Nicole was so stupidly attracted to this woman. Waverly breathed deeply through her nose and sank down completely on the cock, nose pressing into copper curls and base pressing just the right way. The coil in Nicole’s stomach snapped, jaw coming unhinged and lights popping behind her eyelids as she came.

Her grip loosened in Waverly’s hair and she felt Waverly still tugging on the dick bobbing between her thighs. She’d never actually thought she’d be able to come that way, just from Waverly sucking off her cock but-

“Fuck,” Nicole said, as Waverly released the cock with a pop. Her lips were swollen and red and she had never looked so kissable. 

Waverly gave Nicole a proud little smirk as she got up off her knees and slid onto the bed. She put her knees on either side of Nicole’s thighs, one hand gripping Nicole’s thigh to balance herself and the other still jerking Nicole off. 

She leaned down and kissed Nicole, their lips meeting sweetly as lips against each other. Waverly’s tongue stroking behind her teeth was like a shock to Nicole’s heart and her hands started to move again. Her palms smoothed over Waverly’s thighs, the flesh firm but so so soft. She followed the line of her thighs and over the swell of her ass to her hips. Waverly’s hand left the dick and it bobbed between them a little comically. 

Her hands smoothed over Nicole’s stomach, squeezing her breasts and settling on each side of her neck. Waverly tilted her hips into the toy and Nicole could feel the heat from her sex in her lap. 

Waverly pulled away from Nicole’s lips slowly and her thumbs brushed the underside of her girlfriend’s jaw. 

“Nicky,” Waverly said, as she pressed her hips into Nicole. “Did you like that?”

Nicole smiled slowly, all honey and sunshine as she nodded. “I think you know I did, baby.”

“Just checking,” Waverly said as she began to move against the silicone. Nicole leaned forward and took Waverly’s nipple in her mouth, tongue swirling around the flesh. 

Waverly sighed and laid her hand flat against Nicole’s chest. Nicole let Waverly press her down to the mattress but grumbled when it forced her to release Waverly’s nipple from her mouth. But she was knocked breathless again when Waverly stayed astride her hips, hair cascading over her shoulders and tickling just under her collarbones. Waverly lifted herself up and slid her folds along the length of the toy. 

Nicole’s eyes were glued to the sight. She watched as Waverly’s pussy, wet with her own come, slipped along it. Waverly’s clit, red and swollen, bumped the head of the dick and she groaned. Nicole’s hands stayed on Waverly’s hips, thumbs rubbing tight circles on the hollows. 

Waverly rutted against Nicole’s cock a few more times, eyes fluttering closed in pleasure. The way her lips were parted, still swollen, made Nicole want to remember this moment forever. Waverly leaned back, hands on Nicole’s thighs as she continued to rub herself on the silicone. Both of Nicole’s hands rested on Waverly’s thighs, smoothing over her hips and smooth panes of Waverly’s stomach. Her fingers felt the curve of Waverly’s ribs, bumping over them as her eyes remained glued to Waverly’s wetness soaking the cock.

“Baby,” Nicole whimpered, hands squeezing Waverly’s breasts briefly before moving back to her hips. “I need to be inside you.”

“Than do it,” Waverly whispered as she leaned down and placed a soft, lingering kiss on Nicole’s lips. “Take me.”

Waverly’s fingers curled around Nicole’s ribcage as she smiled down at her, so innocent but at the same time dripping with sex. Waverly lifted herself up on her knees and Nicole took the base of her cock in her hands. She guided the tip between Waverly’s folds to her entrance. Waverly took a sharp breath and rolled her hips. Nicole watched as her lips opened up to meet the tip and she tilted her hips up, nudging it firmly against Waverly.

Waverly began to sink down on the cock, brow furrowing and nails digging into Nicole’s ribs. The base pressed against Nicole’s clit and she pressed her hips up to chase the feeling. Nicole could feel the wetness coating Waverly’s thighs where they touched her hips and she ran her hands up Waverly’s sides. 

“You feel so good,” Nicole whispered, eyes roaming over Waverly’s skin and wondering how she ever got so lucky.

Waverly nodded, “So do you, baby.” She rolled her hips experimentally and Nicole saw stars. 

“That was nice,” Nicole whispered. She cupped Waverly’s breasts, just feeling the weight of them in her hands as Waverly lifted herself up and back down on Nicole’s cock. Waverly’s mouth parted in a soft moan. 

“Nicky, I need you to fuck me,” Waverly said, pretty eyes fluttering open, dark and dangerous. Nicole licked her lips, mouth dry as she held onto Waverly’s hips with a bruising grip. 

“Whatever you need, baby,” she said, surprising herself with how low her voice was. She started off slow, meeting Waverly’s own thrusts. As Waverly came down on the toy, impaling herself over and over, Nicole thrust her hips up. Waverly’s clit ground down on Nicole’s groin and her breathing began to quicken. 

Nicole kept thrusting up into her, loving how Waverly’s tits bounced. She could feel a fire in her chest, growing and growing as she lost herself to the feeling of Waverly riding her dick. She angled her hips and thrust up, the head of the toy hitting Waverly’s front wall. Waverly’s head tipped back, long throat bobbing as she swallowed. 

“That’s it, baby,” Waverly panted, “just like that.” Nicole nodded, as she continued to move into her. 

“And remember, baby,” Waverly said, as she took Nicole’s hand and pressed the palm to her own stomach. Their eyes never left one another’s as Waverly moved Nicole’s hand up over her breasts, tripping over her collarbone and finally around Waverly’s throat. Waverly was still bouncing on Nicole’s lap and Nicole was still thrusting. Nicole’s eyes darted down to Waverly’s hand, still covering her own. She could just barely feel Waverly’s skin beneath her fingertips, the barest hint of her girlfriend’s racing pulse against her index finger.

“I’m right here with you,” Waverly said. She closed her hand around Nicole’s so that her hand was wrapped loosely around Waverly’s throat. Waverly’s eyes shut in pleasure, hips still working on Nicole’s dick as she dropped her hand. 

Nicole squeezed again experimentally and Waverly moaned wantonly, the sound vibrating in Nicole’s palm and causing a gush of wetness between her thighs. 

“Fuck, Waves,” Nicole moaned, the heat deep in her belly roaring even higher. Her hips moved even faster, pounding into Waverly with a new vigor. Something about this...about fucking Waverly with her dick and squeezing her throat just enough made every nerve of Nicole’s body burn with desire. Waverly was _hers_. No one else’s. Waverly would never be anyone else’s. 

“Harder,” Waverly whimpered, nails practically clawing at Nicole’s ribs as she tried to hold onto her with the pace Nicole was fucking her. 

Suddenly Nicole sat up so that they were chest to chest. She dipped her head down and took Waverly’s nipple in her mouth, tongue circling the stiffened flesh. She bit down a little harder than normal on her nipple, but the almost obscene sound from Waverly’s throat told her it was more than welcome. Nicole switched breasts, lavishing the other with the same attention before attaching her lips to Waverly’s pulse point. 

She sucked until a crimson bloomed on Waverly’s skin before releasing it with a pop. Nicole placed a hand flat between Waverly’s shoulder blades, another on her lower back to steady her. Nicole lifted Waverly up, pushing herself up from her knees and lowering Waverly’s back to the bed as her girlfriend smiled up at her. 

“Sometimes I forget how strong you are, soldier,” Waverly whispered as she squeezed Nicole’s biceps. 

Her chest swelled in pride as she smirked down at Waverly, settling between her spread legs with the dick still buried deep in her. 

“Not as strong as you, baby,” Nicole said lowly. She held herself up on her arms, pulled her hips back and watched as she slammed back into Waverly. She didn’t know what to watch. The way Waverly’s eyes rolled back in her head and back bowed in pleasure, or how her pussy eagerly sucked her back in. 

They found their rhythm, Nicole pulling her hips back until just the head of her dick was nestled inside Waverly before pushing back into her. Waverly’s nails found purchase on Nicole’s back and she wrapped her legs around her waist. Nicole lowered herself down to her elbows for better leverage, the wet sound of their flesh slapping together spurring her on. 

The wire in her belly was getting tighter and tighter as her clit rubbed against the base of the toy with each thrust. Her nipples rubbed against Waverly’s and she kissed her, swallowing her moans. 

“B-baby, fuck, you take me so good,” Nicole panted, pressing her forehead to Waverly’s. 

“I’m yours, all yours, Nicky. No one else’s,” Waverly said, with a small whimper. 

Maybe it was the lust talking and the way that her body was thrumming in pleasure, but Nicole had never felt more in love than this moment. Cock deep in Waverly while she told Nicole she was hers. Only hers. 

“I’m close,” Waverly said, clawing at Nicole’s back as her legs tightened around her waist. “Harder.”

Nicole moved her arms under Waverly’s shoulder blades, hands gripping her shoulders to give her more leverage as she pounded into her. She could feel Waverly gush wetness, coating the tops of her thighs. Waverly’s hips were off the bed as Nicole doubled her pace, angling her hips to make sure that she was hitting her front wall with each thrust. 

“Your cock feels so good, baby,” Waverly breathed, nails digging so hard into her back that there were sure to be little halfmoon indents in Nicole’s back when they were done. 

As Waverly got closer, it got harder for Nicole to pull the cock out but it didn’t stop her pace. Waverly’s moans got louder, echoing in the room around them and the bed creaked in time with Nicole’s thrusts. 

“I’m-“ Waverly’s brow furrowed, breath hitched and eyes shut. Her jaw came unhinged as her back bowed. Nicole licked a broad stripe up her throat and scraped her teeth along Waverly’s jaw line as she came, hips never ceasing. 

The heat in her own belly was tight, ready to snap at any moment. She thrust harder, grinding her clit into the base of the toy before the heat in her belly exploded and stars popped in front of her eyes. She let out a soft scream, hips stuttering as Waverly clung to her even tighter. She buried her face in Waverly’s neck as her hips slowed to rolling. Waverly’s legs fell from around her waist and Nicole placed soft kisses on her neck, tasting the beads of sweat that had gathered there. Waverly raked her hands through Nicole’s hair with shaky fingers, both of them just catching their breath. 

When Nicole finally regained some feeling in her limbs she started to pull out of Waverly but she stopped her, knees tightening on her hips. 

“Wait,” Waverly whispered, placing soft kisses along Nicole’s shoulder. “Just a few more minutes.”

“Whatever you want, baby,” Nicole purred, unable to wipe the smirk off of her face. 

Waverly chuckled, low and sexy, as she turned her face into the side of Nicole’s and spoke against her cheek. “You’re so proud of yourself.”

Nicole just hummed and turned her face, connecting their lips in a deep kiss. 

After a few more moments, Waverly’s limbs began to loosen around her and she sat up. Carefully she pulled the toy from Waverly who groaned, reaching for Nicole as she stood up from the bed. Nicole quickly slipped out of the harness and let it fall to the floor. She would clean it all up later. She couldn’t keep herself away from Waverly any longer. Now with her skin glowing and hands beckoning for her.

Nicole slipped back into bed and Waverly immediately curled into her side, face finding the crook of her neck.

“I love you, Nicole,” Waverly whispered, quickly followed by a yawn. “Thank you for trusting me.”

“I love you too, Waves,” Nicole said with a yawn before pulling Waverly completely in her arms and falling asleep.

***

It was the first time in a year that Nicole had woken up under the bed. Rather...when she realized what was happening, she found herself under the bed. 

She was covered in a cold sweat, her breathing heavy and ragged as her eyes darted around the room. Then she heard it again.

_Boom boom boom!_

“Everyone down!” Nicole shouted, heart beating so quickly she swore she could feel vibrating in the wood floor beneath her chest. “We’re under fire!”

“Nicole,” she heard a gentle voice calling from above like an angel. “Nicole, it’s okay-”

_Boom boom!_

“Down! Now!”

“Nicole!” 

Nicole curled into a ball under the bed, the side of her body scraping along the wooden slats at the bottom of the frame. She would always wonder how she managed to fit under the bed after the fact but figured it was some sort of survival tactic. She felt something sting on her side but she ignored it as the roaring of blood in her ears got louder.

She could taste the dirt, the copper sting of blood on her tongue. She could hear the screaming, the _dying_. She could smell it.

“Nicole,” came the voice again, this time more in front of her. “Nicole, can you look at me please?”

Nicole managed to turn her head, tilting her chin to look up. She saw Waverly on the floor beside the bed, calm smile on her face with her hands folded under her chin.

“Hey, baby,” Waverly said softly. “Can you come out of there for me?”

Nicole unclenched her jaw and let out a harsh breath through her nose. She was fine...she was home. This was _Waverly_. She had to remember, had to remind herself that she was _safe._

But still, her heart was beating uncontrollably, limbs coursing with adrenaline and telling her to do something. To fight. 

“Baby, it’s okay,” Waverly said. “You can stay down here too. If you want.”

Nicole shook her head and swallowed thickly, shutting her eyes for a moment before reaching blindly for Waverly. Their fingers just barely brushed when-

_Boom boom boom!_

Nicole pulled her arm back and she could feel the jungle humidity covering her body, making her skin wet and clammy. There was fire all around her. Fire and screaming and-

“Haught, what’s up?” 

She opened her eyes again and Wynonna was on the floor beside Waverly. They both looked at her with concern, and Nicole felt shame seep into her bones and claw its way into her stomach. She was being stupid. She was being a complete idiot. This was why Waverly deserved more, this was why Waverly was better off across the country getting her education.

_This._

“Nicole, please come out,” Waverly whispered, eyes wide. “I promise nothing will hurt you. It’s just early fireworks. I’ll get you some aspirin and you can go to sleep.”

“Aspirin?” Wynonna scoffed. “Come on. Haught, I have some Mary Jane for you. Knock ya right out.”

“I don’t think that’s what she needs in the middle of an episode,” Waverly whispered harshly. She sighed and turned back to Nicole, face softening. “Baby, please?”

Nicole nodded stiffly, suddenly feeling how cramped she was under the bed. So she slowly stretched out her limbs, palms flat on the floor so she could pull herself out from under the bed. As soon as she was out, Waverly sat up cross legged, hands on her knees.

“Are you okay?” Waverly asked. Nicole watched her fingers tap anxiously on her knees. She nodded and sat up with her knees pulled to her chest. “Can I touch you?”

Nicole thought for a minute, chest fluttering and tightening rhythmically. She shook her head no. She didn’t want to feel trapped or confined. That’s all she’d feel from the embrace right now. 

Waverly nodded in understanding and flipped one hand so it was palm up on her knee. “You can hold my hand if you want.”

She licked her lips, eyes taking stock of everything. The door in front of her, closet to her right with her weapon in it if need be, window behind them. There was a light scratching on the door before it moved ajar and a fluffy orange head poked in.

_”Mrow,”_ Calamity greeted as she walked right up to Nicole and rubbed against her legs. Nicole reached down so that CJ was rubbing along her hand, nudging her chin into Nicole’s fingers. Nicole relaxed a little, legs falling into a crossed position, and CJ immediately crawled onto her legs with a loud purr.

Nicole continued to pet CJ and reached out to put her hand over Waverly’s upturned one. Her breathing started to feel easier and she closed her eyes, focusing on the expanding of her lungs at the moment. 

_Boom!_

Nicole startled again, but didn’t move, mostly because CJ was on her lap and refused to budge, even when Nicole jerked her entire body in fear. Waverly hushed her, sitting up on her knees and holding Nicole’s head between her hands.

“It’s okay, baby,” Waverly said softly. “It’s just fireworks. It’s just _imbeciles_ setting them off a day early. Wynonna-” she turned to look at her sister. “Get the earplugs out of the top drawer of the bathroom, please.”

Wynonna nodded and was up in a flash, Nicole’s eyes still focused on Waverly. She could feel her bones shaking, eyes rolling wildly as she sought out the easiest escape route. Wynonna was back and handed Waverly the earplugs, Nicole’s eyes darting to them as she tried to calm her breathing.

“I’m going to put these in your ears, okay?” Waverly said with her small smile.

Nicole nodded and reached for one, putting one in her ear while Waverly put in the other. The world became muffled around her and the loudest sound was CJ’s purrs vibrating through her chest.

“There we go, my love,” Waverly said voice muffled, as she leaned forward and pecked Nicole on the lips. Her face hardened as she stood up. “Now to kick some ass.”

Waverly turned on her heels and walked out the bedroom door. Nicole was sure if it wasn’t for the earplugs, she’d hear her stomping down the stairs. 

“Where is she going?” Nicole said, voice extra soft to compensate for what she couldn’t hear.

Wynonna smirked and yelled a little so Nicole could hear. “She’s gonna kick Billy’s ass next door for setting off the fireworks early. That little prick deserves it. I know he’s who hit my truck with his soccer ball.”

Nicole hummed, feeling her heart rate finally return back to normal. She swallowed, mouth dry as she tried to regulate her breathing. “What are you even doing here?”

Wynonna shrugged and looked away. “Um...you know.”

“No, I don’t,” Nicole said, raising her eyebrow. 

“Don’t make a big deal out of it,” Wynonna said, stuffing her hands into her leather jacket. Nicole realized she was in flannel pajama pants and a worn ASU t-shirt. “But...I heard the fireworks and...you know just came to see if _Waverly_ needed anything.”

Nicole hummed, trying to keep her smile down. “Mhm. Well, I’m sure _Waverly_ appreciates it.”

Wynonna had been at their apartment more than normal lately. At least since Eliza took off a little before Christmas. Wynonna hadn’t talked about it yet and Nicole wasn’t sure she ever would. Nicole had tried to get Eliza to stay, but she saw that dodgy look in her eyes that she had seen right before she got injured in the field and sent home. Nicole knew there was nothing she could say to make her stay. So instead she told her to stay safe and keep in touch and to make sure she came back soon. She was the only one who could keep Wynonna even remotely in line anymore. Eliza promised to be back before the end of summer, and Wynonna would for sure keep her accountable for that.

“She better,” Wynonna muttered, throwing Nicole a half smile. “Sure you don’t wanna split a J, Haught?”

Nicole shook her head. “Not tonight.”

_”Who the hell do you think you are?”_

Even through the ear plugs, Nicole could hear Waverly yelling next door. She sighed and shook her head. “I’m gonna have to take Mrs. VanDam some cookies or something tomorrow.”

“Don’t bother, her kid deserves this,” Wynonna said with a scoff. “Waverly’s gonna scare some good into that punk.”

_”Do you have no respect? Why the hell are you setting off fireworks a day early?”_

Wynonna stretched out her legs and hit the bottom of Nicole’s foot lightly with her boots. “Sure you’re okay, Nicole?”

Nicole nodded, fingers carding through CJ’s fur. “I am. Waverly...she makes everything better.”

Wynonna nodded slowly. “You know...when she’s gone, you can move in with me and Shapiro-”

“No,” Nicole insisted. “I’m fine.”

“I know you’re… _fine_. Just what if-”

“No,” Nicole said firmly. She wasn’t going to turn into anyone’s basket case, charity roomate. That was the last thing she needed. “I’m fine. I promise.”

“Phew,” Waverly said a little too cheerfully as she came back into the bedroom. “Safe to say that little Billy VanDam will not be setting off his fireworks early ever again.”

“You adorable psycho,” Wynonna said, almost in awe. She slapped her thighs with her palms and stood up. “Alright, nerds, I’m out. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Night, Wynonna,” Waverly said as her sister slipped out the door. She held out her hand to Nicole and wiggled her fingers. “Let’s get you back to bed. Yeah?”

“Okay,” Nicole said, picking up CJ with one arm and grabbing Waverly’s hand with the other.

“Groovy,” Waverly said, winking at Nicole as she slipped back into the bed. CJ wiggled out of Nicole’s arms and made her way to the end of the bed under the blankets. Nicole knew it would be a nightmare to get her out of there later, but the gentle vibration of her purring against her feet served as an odd comfort. 

Waverly settled in next to her, arm draping over Nicole’s middle as she pulled the blankets over them. Nicole sighed as Waverly snuggled against her. Waverly’s fingers brushed up and down Nicole’s side and she hissed when she passed over a sensitive spot. Waverly sat up a little and lifted Nicole’s shirt to see a small scrape on her side, blood already congealing around it.

“Baby, you hurt yourself,” she said. 

“Leave it for tomorrow,” Nicole said, tugging on the back of Waverly’s sleep shirt, which was really just one of Nicole’s t-shirts she had gotten on their trip to Cambridge. It was green and said ‘I petted a beaver in Ohio!’ with a little cartoon beaver on it.

Waverly lay back down, this time on top of Nicole. They adjusted themselves until they were both comfortable and Waverly tucked her head under Nicole’s chin.

“I’m sorry this happened,” Waverly whispered.

Nicole shook her head. “Wasn’t your fault. I didn’t think they’d be setting shit off early.”

Waverly sighed and kissed Nicole’s throat softly. “I’m still sorry.”

“I know, baby,” Nicole said, holding Waverly tighter. “I’m sorry too.”

“I just wish-”

“I know...me too.”

Waverly sniffled only once. And they drifted off to sleep, wrapped in each other in hopes of keeping the nightmares away for one more night.

***

Nicole was high out of her mind. 

It seemed like a good idea at the time. Even Waverly had thought so. The symptoms of Nicole’s shell shock were always reduced when she was high, admittedly, and while she didn’t want to rely on any substance, sometimes...sometimes it was nice to just...be free.

After the incident the night before, Nicole knew she wasn’t ready for a New Year’s Eve celebration without some help. Last year she and Waverly had driven far out into the desert by themselves where they sounds of the explosions couldn’t be heard. 

With heavy, unsure limbs, Nicole climbed out onto the roof. They had all gone over to Gus’ since she was further away from the fireworks that would be happening in town near their apartment. Wynonna snickered as she blew smoke out of her mouth. Nicole settled next to her and stretched her legs out.

“Don’t fall, Haught,” Wynonna said as she stretched her legs out to match Nicole. Her voice was muffled by the earplugs in Nicole’s ears. “I managed to keep you alive until Waverly got home. I can’t let you die just because she’s slacking off.”

“I’m not slacking off,” Waverly grunted as she pulled herself through the window,

“I don’t need anyone to watch out for me,” Nicole said as she rubbed her hands over the top of her jeans.

“I know, baby,” Waverly said kissing the side of Nicole’s head.

Nicole took a deep breath and closed her eyes, feeling the heaviness of her limbs. The air smelled crisp, so cold that her nostrils almost stung. There was the small hint of gunpowder in the air that made the hair rise on her arms a little. She could hear the dull muted sounds of fireworks in the distance and she knew if she opened her eyes she’d be able to see them far away.

She let her eyes flutter open just as red sparks flew into the air several miles away and exploded into dozens of falling stars.

Waverly pulled a thick blanket out of the bedroom window and smiled.

“Here, soldier,” Waverly said, as she gave one end of the blanket to Wynonna and the two sisters squeezed close to Nicole until she was squished between them. The blanket stretched over all their shoulders, just barely closing around the front of them. 

“Haught here is the luckiest woman alive, baby girl,” Wynonna said, leaning forward and smirking at Waverly. “In an Earp sandwich.”

Nicole pulled her lips between her teeth to hold back her laughter but when she looked at Wynonna and she wriggled her eyebrows at her, Nicole lost it. She snorted, head tipping back in a loud laugh as Waverly bumped their shoulders together. 

“You’re both ridiculous,” Waverly grumbled. “And high!”

Nicole hummed as Waverly set her head on her shoulder. “ _You’re_ ridiculous.”

“You’re lucky I love you,” Waverly teased as she kissed Nicole’s shoulder. Nicole looked down at her just as another cluster of fireworks went off in the distance and reflected gold sparks in Waverly’s eyes. 

“I am,” Nicole agreed. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

Waverly’s blush was visible even in the dim light and Nicole leaned down and kissed her gently.

“Stop it, PDA, I’m right here,” Wynonna complained. Nicole and Waverly just giggled to themselves and they watched the fireworks.

***

“Is it her outfits that do it for you?” Waverly teased.

Nicole rolled her eyes. “I just said she was cute-”

“I’m just saying, if you’re in love with her I want to know why,” Waverly continued. Her back was pressed to Nicole’s front, her knees bent and cradling Waverly’s body. They were sitting lengthwise on the couch watching _The Mary Tyler Moore Show_. Nicole’s arms were around Waverly’s middle and she was paying far more attention to her than the show, but it was good background noise. 

“How could I ever be in love with Mary Tyler Moore when I have you in my arms,” Nicole said into the crown of Waverly’s hair.

Waverly chuckled and laced her fingers with Nicole’s over her middle. “Sweet talker.”

The silence settled over them for a moment and Nicole couldn’t help but press a small kiss behind Waverly’s ear.

“I can’t believe I have to leave again so soon,” Waverly whispered. She turned her body a little so that her side was to Nicole’s front, her head nestled in her neck. “Are you going to be okay?”

“I’ll be fine,” Nicole repeated for what felt like the five thousandth time. She was trying not to get irritated with it but she knew Waverly was just worried. The reminder just made the growing ball of anxiety in her stomach grow tighter and weigh her down. Nicole’s eyes were glued to the television even if she wasn’t really paying attention, her fingers nervously playing with Waverly’s. “I know I had my...moments. But I’ll be better now. I promise.”

“I don’t need you to be _better_ ,” Waverly pulled back just enough to look at Nicole, fingers pinching Nicole’s chin and turning her face towards her. “There’s nothing that needs to be better.”

Nicole snorted. “I need to be better about controlling my emotions,” Nicole said. “And about blaming you for things. Putting too much on you.”

Waverly gave Nicole a look. “I’m here to support you. No matter what,” Waverly said, shaking Nicole’s chin side by side. “I’m here to help you through these things. Even if I’m across the country.”

Nicole pulled away from Waverly’s hand and nipped at Waverly’s thumb. She giggled and pulled her hand away before cupping Nicole’s cheek. “I love you,” Nicole said firmly. “And I’m so happy that you’re off doing amazing things. Please don’t worry about me here.”

“It’s my job to worry,” Waverly said seriously. “About you and Wynonna and Gus and-...” Waverly smiled and shook her head. “You know, you helped teach me what love is. But sometimes you can be really dumb about it.”

Nicole frowned. 

Waverly smiled dreamily, that far off look in her eyes that Nicole loved so much when she thought hard about something. 

“What I mean is,” Waverly continued. “You taught me all about love. And I learned that sometimes...love is worrying. I worried sick about you when you were gone because I love you. I worry about you when I’m gone because I love you. And I just want you to be safe. Inside and out. Do you understand?”

“Of course,” Nicole said as she pressed her forehead to Waverly’s.

“And if you ever need me to come home, I’ll do it in an instant,” Waverly said firmly.

“Waverly-”

“No. I will. So what I’m saying is let me love you,” Waverly whispered. “Even in these stupid little ways. I want to love you in every way possible. And I do.”

“I love you in every way too,” Nicole whispered back as their noses bumped together. “Waverly Earp, I love you a thousand different ways every single day. And it’s the best thing I’ve ever done.”

Waverly kissed her and the ball loosened a little. Nicole knew it would take more than just one visit for things to change. Her brain was hardly cooperative and it truly didn’t make a difference whether Waverly was there or not to change the things it said to her. The lies it told her. But it was a start.

“I love you a million different ways every second of the day,” Waverly smiled.

“Had to one up me,” Nicole whispered, rocking Waverly in her arms a little and kissing her deeply. Waverly giggled into the kiss and wrapped her arms around Nicole’s neck. Nicole whispered against her lips. “We’re gonna be okay.”

Waverly hummed and nodded her head. “We’re gonna be just groovy, soldier.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Come yell at me on Twitter if you're so inclined.](https://https://twitter.com/bootsncatz)

**Author's Note:**

> [Come yell at me on Twitter if you're so inclined.](https://https://twitter.com/bootsncatz)


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